3 Reasons Married Men Will NEVER Leave Their Wives

You're dating a married man, but if you think he'll be yours one day, guess again.

At least 3 times a week I get an email from women asking me about the married man they're dating. The women are all frustrated because the guy hasn't left his wife, and they want some form of commitment from him.

If you're having an affair with a married man, this going to be a virtual slap in the face, and it's one you need. I'm going to give you 3 reasons you're wasting your life, and why he'll never leave her.

1. He has everything he needs: Why would he leave his wife and kids? He gets to have amazing sex with you with no commitment at all. Then he gets to go home and play with his kids. It's the ideal situation for a guy. He has the wife who feeds him, cleans up after him, and looks after his children, and then he has his lover taking care of him in other ways he needs. He has two girlfriends and everything done for him. He's enjoying it!

2. Divorce is too painful: Think about the repercussions of divorce. There's the hassle of lawyers, the fighting, the upset of the children, the financial burden, and a host of other problems divorce throws up. Why would he put himself and his family through that if he doesn't have to? You seem happy to see him when he can fit you in, so why would he leave his wife?

3. He'd have left her already: If this guy loved you more than anything, then even with the pain of divorce and the upset of leaving his family, he'd have left her by now. If he wanted to be with you, and if he loved you like you think he does, he'd have already left his family. Think about it. He hasn't left his wife because he doesn't want to. Simple as that. So what do you do about it?

Very simply, you give him an ultimatum. What he's doing isn't fair on you, his wife, or his children, and he needs to make up his mind. You need to gather as much strength as you can, look him in the face, and tell him, "I love you. I want to be with you. But I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm not going to see you again until you move out of your home.

"I want to come to your new apartment. I don't want to keep meeting at my place or hotels. The only way you'll see me again is if you text me or call me with the address of your new apartment. I want proof you've left your wife." Give him this ultimatum and you’ll know where you stand. Are you going to be his partner or will you only ever be, "the other woman"?

You see, the "other woman" is never going to succeed.

The other woman is never going to get the man. All she's going to do is waste her life waiting for a man who will never be hers. She's missing the chance to find a man who's devoted only to her.

I know women that have done this for four, five, six years even. You need to look at your own emotional needs, wants, and desires. Are you dating a married man because you like to live on the edge? Is it because you don’t want commitment yourself? Maybe you're scared of men hurting you?

A lot of women date married men because they're so afraid of getting out there and meeting men. They have relationships with married guys because deep down they know it's never going to go anywhere. They don't need to leave themselves 100% vulnerable. Other women just love the chase. They love the drama of trying to win a man who isn't theirs. You need to figure out who you are. My advice is stop being the other woman. It's not fair any of you involved, and you deserve a man of your own!

Source:- http://www.yourtango.com/experts/david-wygant/3-reasons-your-married-man-will-never-leave-his-wife

Dating After Divorce

Celibacy is one thing after a long relationship, but jumping back into the dating game after having been to the altar is quite another.


A few important guidelines should be followed in order to achieve a successful return to the world of dating and mating. You need not follow them to the tee, but they will help make the transition easier.
You have to get your dating muscle in shape by preparing during the last stages of your divorce, for when you're finally single and getting into your first relationship.
last stages of the divorceThe last leg of the divorce process involves settling all the paperwork and getting things in order. As the divorce is not final, you must be sure to behave and keep your pecker tucked away.


Having romantic encounters during the last stages of your official and final separation can have disastrous effects on the divorce.
It's a good idea to avoid dating altogether before the divorce is finalized. Not only will it save you some explanation in court as to why you were eager as a beaver, but it will also speed up the process and set you free in no time. You wouldn't want a fling to taint your image in court during the last stages of the divorce; especially if she's asking for the Beemer.
single once again.  Now that you're officially divorced, single and ready to get going, you have to tie up loose ends. If you still talk to your ex on the weekends to catch up with each other, maybe you shouldn't. If you still have most of your clothes at her place, even after you've moved out, then you should pack it all up for good. The papers might be finalized, but you have to treat whatever is left of the relationship the same way. It's impossible to let go and hold on at the same time.


On the other hand, there's no need to rush into new women. You're the only one that knows when you're ready to put on your John Travolta dancing shoes and your Don Juan sex appeal. Take the time to do things right — at the right time — and you won't have to do them over and over again.
Your first instinct may be to stay away from anyone that reminds you of your ex-wife, but you don't need to stress over this. Moving on with your life does not mean forgetting about that part of your life. After all, you did have some good times together; don't forget them.






Starting over...


the first relationship
Once again, the most important aspect at this point is to not rush into anything, and don't let others push you into dating prematurely. The last thing you want is to go out and find a carbon copy of your ex-wife, and start the same mistake all over again. By the same token, don't make it a point to find someone who's the exact opposite either.


Make sure it feels right and for heaven's sake, don't simply date to wage revenge on your ex. Nobody likes going on an emotional roller coaster ride.
Remember that this first relationship is the best time to get your feet wet in the eternal pursuit of skirts. But more than that, the first serious relationship will be like tasting candy for the first time as a child. Everything might seem inconsequential; and in a way, that's how you should view it. Look at it as the learning experience that will thrust you back into the game.
On the flip side, this first relationship is where all the healing takes places. Remember that no matter how willing you are to jump back into the waters, only time will tell how ready you really are.
new & improved you
Now, some physical changes are in order. I'm not talking about getting a facial, streaks in your hair and a manicure, but the time does call for some changes. Join a gym, or start going regularly if you already have a membership. (You know how men let themselves go when they're in a serious relationship.) You should also watch what you eat, and buy yourself some flattering new clothes that make you look good.


If you're making some changes on the inside with your attitude and outlook on life, you might as well do the same with your appearance. Get a new pair of shoes and the perfect summer clothes to start the season off right.
the 5-step program
In case you're looking for a quick fix, here's the rundown:



Get closure with your ex-wife; leave the bad memories behind.
Don't compare new women to your ex.

Pick up women in every setting possible: the bank, grocery store, drug store, etc.
Improve your physique by going to the gym and eating healthy.
Use the support of your friends.
dating tip of the week
Whether you're breaking up for the first or tenth time, or going through a divorce, remember that you are the most important thing in your life. Always make sure that you're happy with your love life, no matter how content your better half might be.

Source:- http://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/46_dating_tips.html

6 Steps to Finding New Love

If your relationship has ended, you might be nervous about dipping your feet in the dating pool. Or you might worry that you’ll never find love again. Maybe you’ve even assumed that you’re just unlucky when it comes to love.
Relationship and family therapist Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, often hears people say they’ve lost hope. But she wants individuals to know that it’s absolutely possible to find a fulfilling partnership. For instance, in her 25-year study of 373 married couples, Orbuch found that 71 percent of divorced singles found love again.
Also, love has very little to do with luck. In fact, “there is a method to the love madness,” said Orbuch, who’s also author of the recently published book Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.

She believes in working from the inside out. Before pursuing a new relationship, Orbuch stresses the importance of working on your own beliefs, emotions, behaviors and sense of self. She helps readers do just that in Finding Love Again, along with offering tips on everything from first dates to building a strong relationship.
Below, Orbuch discussed her six steps for seeking and finding a great relationship.


1. Adjust your expectations.
“Forget everything you know about relationships,” Orbuch said. That’s because you might be holding onto certain relationship myths and unrealistic expectations, which can set you up for failure and frustration, she said. (Frustration also can eat away at your happiness, according to Orbuch.)
For instance, it’s unrealistic to think that your partner will automatically know what you want and need — even after many years of marriage, Orbuch said. In the beginning, people simply don’t know each other that well, while over the years, people naturally change, and so do their wants and needs. (Remember that no one is a mind reader. If you want or need something, Orbuch said, you have to ask for it.)
Another common myth is that there’s a specific amount of time you have to wait before you start dating. However, according to Orbuch, there’s no scientific evidence to substantiate a certain timeframe. “Everyone is different.” Some people are ready to date right after a relationship ends, while others need more time to heal, she said.

2. Start with a clean slate.
In her study, Orbuch found that divorced singles who didn’t feel anything for their ex were more likely to find love. “In order to find love again, you need to emotionally separate or detach from previous or past relationships,” she said.
Remaining emotionally attached to the past prevents you from being fully present — and trusting someone else — and keeps you trapped in a cycle of negativity, she said. Everyone has emotional baggage. The key is to make sure that your baggage isn’t too heavy, she said.
For instance, in the book, Orbuch includes a helpful quiz with questions such as: Do you still keep photos of your ex, compare others to them or visit their social media sites?
According to Orbuch, one way to become emotionally neutral is to release your emotions in healthy ways, such as engaging in physical activities and social events; volunteering; writing an honest letter to your ex (that you never send); and getting creative with activities such as painting, gardening and playing music. What also helps is to share your story with loved ones and seek their support, she said.

3. Shake up your routine.
Orbuch suggested making one small and simple change and committing to it for 21 days. In her study, she found that divorced singles who cut their work hours by at least one hour a day were more likely to find love. Changing your routine can open up new opportunities to meet people and even revise how you see yourself, according to Orbuch.

4. Discover the real you.
After your relationship ends, “you need to step back and re-examine you,” Orbuch said. Before you can determine if you’re compatible with someone, you need to know who you really are, she said.
Your past relationship probably shaped your personality and preferences in some way. You no doubt compromised, changed and accepted certain traits, she said.
As Orbuch writes in her book, “Singles who find a long-lasting, successful partnership have one trait in common: they put the focus on who they are and what they want, rather than worrying about what others will think.”
To find out who you are, define your key life values. What matters most to you? For instance, how important is faith, your job or your health?
Orbuch also suggested making a list of the qualities you’d like in your partner — and to be specific. For instance, as she writes in the book, by “funny,” do you mean you’d like your partner to have a dry sense of humor or tell jokes or something else entirely? Getting specific helps you reflect and consider the true qualities you’d like in a mate — and not waste your time, she writes.

5. Start dating.
Again, it’s important to be hopeful. The divorced singles in Orbuch’s study who were hopeful were much more likely to find love.
In the beginning of your relationship, you want to “disclose or share parts of yourself gradually,” Orbuch said. Don’t spill your guts right away. This might seem obvious, but many people do just that: They reveal everything immediately because they assume that if their date or partner doesn’t like what they hear, then it’s “Too bad,” and they’re on to the next person, she said.
But a lot of information is overwhelming for anyone, especially when it’s about topics like your ex, kids and finances, she said.
Don’t try to sell yourself, either, Orbuch said. Dating isn’t about winning someone’s approval; it’s about about finding out if you’re compatible.

6. Determine if you’re in the right relationship, and keep it strong.
When evaluating your relationship, Orbuch suggests considering the following: Do you think in terms of “we” or “I”? Do you trust each other? Do you share similar values? Do you handle conflict effectively?
To keep your relationship strong, “empty your pet peeves pail frequently,” she said. Small annoyances add up — and can damage your relationship — so talk to your partner about what bothers you.
Also, “make sure that you recognize and affirm each other frequently over time,” she said. It’s all too easy to put your relationship on the back burner when other people and tasks require your immediate attention, such as your kids, parents, jobs, health and finances, she said. But just a sweet phrase or small behavior can go a long way.

Source:- http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/23/6-steps-to-finding-new-love/

Dating during divorce

For the newly single the thought of “starting again” in a new relationship can be a very daunting one, and we often find ourselves being asked about the dos and don’ts of dating, or starting new relationships, whilst we are still helping clients through their divorce or separation. Clearly there is no one-size-fits-all advice, and many would question the wisdom of divorce lawyers dispensing dating tips, but as it is something we are often asked about, we thought a few general pointers might help.

For those who feel ready, dating while going through divorce can help you cope with loneliness, a need for comfort, and low self-esteem. However, as separation can be a very sensitive time, discretion is often a good idea. Although technically there are few legal reasons why you shouldn’t date, we often find that new relationships can act as emotional flashpoints during the divorce process which can throw boulders into the path of smooth progress to getting financial and children arrangements sorted out. There is little to be gained from announcing to the world that you are dating while matters are not yet settled. The fact of a new relationship’s existence can be very provocative and it is not unknown for negotiations that have been going well to be derailed by the discovery of one spouse’s romantic liaisons.

You need to be aware that a new relationship can give your spouse a ground for divorce which might not have otherwise been available. As we mentioned in our blog on divorce myths, a sexual relationship with someone other than your husband/wife is still adultery even if you have technically separated.

It is an unfortunate truth that in this technological age, suspicious or jealous spouses or other family members can (and do) hack, bug and snoop into computers, phones and emails, looking for evidence of a new relationship. (And don’t get us started on the dangers of facebook!) The information might be useful for them emotionally, perhaps to prove that infidelity was the real cause of a relationship ending, or they may be looking perhaps to find out information about spending. Sensible precautions with regards to electronic privacy are to be recommended. There are rules on what sort of information obtained through dubious means lawyers can see, so if in doubt, speak to us about this, and be aware that if you do go snooping on a partner or former partner, it may come back to haunt you.

If you have children, it is always difficult to know what and when to tell them about a new relationship. Different children will react differently, and a lot will depend upon their age and degree of maturity. You will know your children best of all, but it is important not to underestimate the effect of a separation on them, and the time it will take them to work things through in their mind. Any proposed introductions of a new partner must be handled sensitively.

If your spouse is supportive and you have managed to maintain good lines of communication with them, it can be helpful to discuss how to handle introducing new partners to the children before any new partners arrive on the scene! This isn’t always feasible; but if the children are unsettled, angry, nervous or upset by the separation, then it may be better left for a bit. If you are in any doubt about how your children will react to meeting your new partner, then it’s probably better to delay a new introduction for a while.

Working together with your ex-spouse as co-parents is something you will have to do for many years to come. Counselling for both of you, together or separately, can be a great help to navigate the potential minefield of new relationships and their impact on the children, or you could work out some ground rules together with the assistance of a family mediator. Many people find that it becomes easier to talk constructively when there’s an impartial third party in the room.

We would also suggest that it is only worth risking the fall-out from introducing a new partner to your children when you are sure the relationship will last. Obviously it is impossible to be 100% certain about the future of relationships, but it is worth avoiding multiple repetitions of the tricky exercise of introducing a new partner to your children. Children can be unsettled by repeated introductions their parents’ girlfriends or boyfriends, whom they may consider to be their potential step-parents.

Serious new relationships can also impact upon financial negotiations and settlements. During the proceedings you will be asked about your intentions with regard to cohabiting or remarrying. You must answer honestly, and if you do intend to set up home with your new partner, their financial situation will become relevant to your case. Even if you are living under a separate roof from your new partner, if you share each other’s households this could be construed as living together, which could affect the way the court looks at what you need financially for the future. If in doubt, have a word with us about it.

Likewise it is not a good idea to mix finances with your new partner whilst you are sorting out your divorce. It’s best to keep everything separate until the dust has settled.

For many people, divorce is about one door closing and a lot of other doors opening up. It is possible to achieve real happiness by finding a new partner after divorce, and we’ve seen this happen many times. It’s just wise to have an idea of the pros and cons of doing so before the divorce is final, so that you’re fully informed of what the consequences might be. It needn’t stop you having fun, and we really hope you do!

Source:- http://www.cflp.co.uk/dating-during-divorce/

Marry Again? Nine Reasons Divorced Women Choose Not To

by jill brooke . More.com Member

Photograph: iStock photo

Here’s a story that explains why a woman is more likely than a man to end a marriage.

A husband goes to a doctor and says, “Every time my wife and I get into a fight, she gets historical.”

“Don’t you mean hysterical?” asked the doctor.

 “No, “ he replied. “I prefer hysterical. That’s momentary. She gets historical. Reminds me of everything I ever did.”

For women, marital annoyances do pile up, which may explain why the National Marriage Project at Rutgers (http://nationalmarriageproject.org/) found that two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. As the director of Blended Families of America and a divorce coach, I’ve noticed that most over-40 divorced women realize they may not remarry. And guess what? They don’t care!

Why?

1) As we age, women are winding up while men are winding down.

Women have spent a lifetime asking everyone else — kids, husband, bosses — what they want. And now they are asking themselves the same question. So whether it’s going back to school, ditching the suburban life for city living, or taking a trek to the Himalayas, divorced women are using their new-found freedom to do what they want, especially if the kids have left home. The empty nest isn’t a syndrome any longer; it’s an opportunity to take flight—literally. Women are less concerned with new companionship than they are in feeling fulfilled spiritually and emotionally. According to a British study from the Yorkshire Building Society, the majority of women reported feeling liberated, relieved, and happy after their divorce and looked forward to a fresh start.

2) Living Apart Can Be Better Than Living Together

It’s fun being a girlfriend. A wife? Not so much. Cooking, housework, juggling multiple schedules is exhausting — and many women feel they were doing it as a solo act giving 90 percent to someone else’s 10 percent. That’s why LAT (Living Apart Together) relationships are so popular. As I explained in a New York Times article, that’s commitment without living together.

There are several benefits to this arrangement: If you’re a divorced mother of young children, you are less likely to be torn between pleasing your new spouse and your kids. Plus, your partners’ kids from other marriages won’t see you as a threat to their inheritance.

 In fact, the biggest reason for second marriage break-ups, according to the Stepfamily Foundation (http://www.stepfamily.org/), is because of the kids’ not getting along with their parent’s new love interest and their children—think Chris Evert and Greg Norman. 

When you are together with your boyfriend, it is far more romantic and fun. There is date behavior and marital behavior. And given the choice, most of us would prefer the former. Sometimes, real life gets a little too real.

3)  As Mae West said, I used to be Snow White and then I drifted. Instead of one relationship, post-divorce dating may include many.

In short, women may prefer to date rather than remarry. Dr. Barbara Bartlik, a sex therapist and psychiatrist at New York Presbyterian hospital sees a growing trend of financially secure women preferring to “stay single and date.” They enjoy having their own schedules without having to report to anyone. They embrace the freedom to create environments that reflect their interests and tastes. Nor does this cramp a social life. In fact, 75% of women in their 50s in the AARP study report a serious relationship within two years after their divorces. Just because you don’t marry, doesn’t mean you’re not finding companionship. OK. The relationships may not be worthy of storybook romances but they can be interesting novellas. 

4) You look better than ever and have more options

If you take care of yourself, the options increase exponentially. A trim body in either gender is always attractive. Years ago, divorced or widowed women in their 40s, 50s or 60s usually had to date up — to the geriatric ward, where men were often self-centered and bloated; think Danny DeVito on a bad day.

Now fast-forward. Women look so good, it’s hard to know their age. Science not only gives us nifty gadgets like iPhone and Tivo, it delivers long-term beauty. Now, younger men want to be with older women.

If you look up the definition of “cougar,” adjectives like sleek, smart and strong appear. And independent. Cougars pursue a variety of prey. Variety is always good especially when you’ve lived a life being loyal to one person who then either dumps you or disappoints you. In fact, this cat has the greatest range of any wild terrestrial mammal in the Western hemisphere—even wider than the wolf. It’s solitary and doesn’t need to stick around like those herding animals. Nor does a cougar want to stick around, which makes them more appealing. So don’t cringe at the term. Embrace it. Be a cougar. Test the waters. As the men soon discover, experience is its own reward.

5) You’ve matured

Your personality has changed and you are not the kid who was dating way back when. As Dr. Mark Banschick, who runs “The Intelligent Divorce” program in Katonah, New York, says, “If you were awkward, you are less so. If you liked "bad boys" you may pick a different sort today. If you were super conservative, you may choose fun over boredom.” Many of us married resumes or what we thought we should marry. But knowing thyself can be a good thing. We are more self assured, self reliant and conscious of our sexual and spiritual needs.

The key to enjoying this special stage in life is to remember that you carry many roles now as an adult. As Dr. Banschick cautions, “While you may be dating a variety of interesting men, remember to set your ‘second adolescence’ aside when needed.” Your kids still need an adult mother and your job still requires an adult sense of timeliness and responsibility.

6) Divorced women get time off from their kids – a true luxury

Divorced women share a secret. Unlike married couples who have kids 24/7 and can be exhausted from all the domestic responsibilities, divorced women by law must share their kids with their spouse. This allows women to pursue their interests as well as work projects without interruption or guilt. You can stay in bed and read all day, visit friends, shop or spend the night at a boyfriend’s or college pal’s house. Kid-free weekends allow you to experiment and have fun, and make you feel young again.

7) You may not want sex all the time

There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to most men – “don’t” and “stop”—unless they’re used together. After enough sex to last a lifetime, some women are happy to put that self-imposed obligation behind them. Occasional sex—vs. the required two times a week—actually can be more heated and satisfying. Absence can make the heart grow fonder of many things. You now can have sex when you want it, whenever that is.

8) You don’t have to discuss your relationship ad nauseam

How exhausting is it to ask where the relationship is going, or whether your partner cares about the relationship, and then get a grunt or a shrug or a disappointing response. Now you don’t have to ask the question because you aren’t married or interested in getting remarried. Your companion doesn’t have to be Mr. Right; he can be Mr. Right Now.

9) You’re a realist.

Divorced women know the lay of the land. They are savvy to relationship pitfalls and work hard to avoid them. True, they may not have the same financial security, but freedom is priceless. As my divorced friend Debbie says, having the freedom to do whatever, with whomever, whenever is worth every penny of living alone.

This is an amazing article.  When everyone is telling you, you need another man/relationship/husband/partner/whatever.  Now you know why you don't want it!

You can read this article by Jill Brooke here:- http://www.more.com/relationships/marry-again-nine-reasons-divorced-women-choose-not