Stop Telling Me I'll Fall In Love Again

You get your heart broken, and everyone wants to help. Everyone wants to be this knight in shining armor — from your mother to your best friend to a stranger you get into an overlong conversation with at a coffee shop — who rescues you from your own emotions. You are sulking and not yourself, and everyone can see it, so the goal becomes making you realize that it’s not the end of the world (as though the only time you could ever be sad is when you thought that everything was ending). It’s pointless to say, “I’m just sad for a little bit right now because something that was very big and important to me came to an unexpected end, but I’ll be okay soon enough.” That is never an acceptable answer. You have to realize that life is still beautiful, you see, and everyone has to show you why.

And almost without fail, one of the motivational themes you’re going to get in your sympathetic speeches from everyone who just wants to help is going to be “you will fall in love again.” I will? Is that so? I didn’t know that this was the fate which was awaiting me at the end of the tunnel of my own self-pity and depression. I guess now I can hold off that suicide, because some day, someone is going to declare me worthy living again. Thanks, everyone, for your words of wisdom and comfort. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go curl up in the fetal position and wait for my Prince Charming to come rescue me.In all seriousness, I know they’re just trying to help. I know when my mother tells me that I’m going to fall in love again, and that it will be wonderful and even better than this last — very unpleasant — experience, she just wants to help. She loves me, and hates to see me so down all the time. She hates that someone was able to convince me, if only for a little while, that I wasn’t worth loving and I wasn’t good enough for them. She tells me all the time that he didn’t deserve me, and I wonder what that even means. I know that he had a tendency to be an asshole, but maybe so did I, and we just didn’t work out. It doesn’t seem reasonable to qualify people in terms of being “deserving” of one another. But even if he weren’t good enough for me on some objective scale, that is no guarantee that I’m going one day find love again elsewhere. Maybe I will. Maybe I will tomorrow. Maybe I’m going to go to the store and run into the man of my dreams while I’m too busy texting to look ahead of me, a meet-cute fit for a romantic comedy starring Katherine Heigl. But then again, maybe I won’t. And I don’t want waiting for this moment to come to me to be the only way I’m capable of making it through of my heartbreak.I mean, look at my aunt. She had her heart broken in her early 30s when her husband left her for his 25-year-old assistant he cheated with. While the two of them went off to get married (and still are), she took full custody of the kids from their marriage and never fell in love again. She just never did. She is pretty and smart and funny and everything people tell me I am, but none of her dates and casual boyfriends ever really panned out. It’s still a sore stop for her to talk about her ex husband and his new family.

But she did many other things. She has an amazing career, and lots of great friends, and two houses (one of which she designed entirely on her own). She has a great life, and I don’t pity her. I know some people in our family who do, but they are the kind of people who believe, on some level, that women are not complete or fully happy unless they have a man to confirm it. Maybe I’m reading her wrong, but she seems pretty fulfilled to me. Does she want a husband? Maybe. But she’s not in a constant state of depression without it. And I have several other aunts and uncles who, though married, are by no means happy in their relationships. I don’t think that my single aunt is any more deserving of pity than they are.

The point is just that I don’t want to be told that waiting for a new love to replace the old one is what should comfort me and get me through this time. How about that I’m cool on my own? That I have a lot to give to society and so much left to experience in my life, with or without a romantic partner? What about how great of a friend I am, or how cool my job is, or how fun I am to hang out with? What about all of the cool things that I can experience single because I don’t have to take another person’s desires into consideration when I make my choices? Sure, I’m sad, but I’m not looking to soothe that sadness by replacing it with a new relationship. Women are allowed to be sad, and they’re allowed to be single, and they don’t need to hear that one day a man is going to make it all go away by telling her she is good enough again. She’s good enough as she is.

Source:- http://thoughtcatalog.com/charlotte-green/2013/01/stop-telling-me-ill-fall-in-love-again/

Ever thought of Suicide?

I would walk across the road without looking or even thinking about looking, as ending my life seemed to be the best option.  I had nothing to live for.  It was the only way to get out of that pain.  I know that some of you reading this will have been there or may even be in exactly that place right now. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.  Yes, it's to do with your feelings.  No-one has actually done you any bodily injury and yet it feels as though someone has wrenched your chest cavity right open, plucked your heart out and sucked the lifeblood from you.

I didn't care whether someone would go home and tell their family they had killed someone in a road accident. How selfish!  But I didn't care about myself so why would I care about anyone else.  I didn't even think that far because I was in such crisis myself, all I could focus on was the unbearable pain I was in.  And the cause of my pain?  The man who vowed he would love me forever, yes, forever folks, had walked out.   Now that I look back, I wonder how I could be so naive as to think love would last forever but I was brought up in those times when a job and a marriage were forever. losing sleep,


I spent a lot of time being angry at the car drivers when they didn't oblige me and run me down.
I didn't think of it as suicide as I could never have killed myself but I wanted someone to do it for me.  Now how crazy is that!  Am I a coward?  I don't know the answer to that.

Here is something interesting from the Samaritans.  The part that applied to me is in bold.  So although I wanted to be dead I didn't fit any of the usual criteria for someone wanting to commit suicide.

MYTHS ABOUT SUICIDE

Myth: You have to be mentally ill to even think about suicide.

Fact: Most people have thought of suicide from time to time and not all people who die by suicide have mental health problems at the time of death. However, many people who kill themselves do suffer with their mental health, typically to a serious degree. Sometimes it’s known about before the person’s death and sometimes not. 

Myth: People who talk about suicide aren’t serious and won’t go through with it.

Fact: People who kill themselves have often told someone that they do not feel life is worth living or that they have no future. Some may have actually said they want to die. While it’s possible that someone might talk about suicide as a way of getting the attention they need, it’s vitally important to take anybody who talks about feeling suicidal seriously.

Myth: Once a person has made a serious suicide attempt, that person is unlikely to make another.

Fact: People who have tried to end their lives before are significantly more likely to eventually die by suicide than the rest of the population. 

Myth: If a person is serious about killing themselves then there is nothing you can do.

Fact: Often, feeling actively suicidal is temporary, even if someone have been feeling low, anxious or struggling to cope for a long period of time. This is why getting the right kind of support at the right time is so important.

Myth: Talking about suicide is a bad idea as it may give someone the idea to try it. 

Fact: Suicide can be a taboo topic in society. Often, people feeling suicidal don’t want to worry or burden anyone with how they feel and so they don’t discuss it. By asking directly about suicide you give them permission to tell you how they feel. People who have felt suicidal will often say what a huge relief it is to be able to talk about what their experiencing. Once someone starts talking they’ve got a better chance of discovering other options to suicide.

Myth: Most suicides happen in the winter months.

Fact:  Suicide is more common in the spring and summer months.

Myth: People who threaten suicide are just attention seeking and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

Fact: People who threaten suicide should always be taken seriously. It may well be that they want attention in the sense of calling out for help, and giving them this attention may save their life.

Myth: People who are suicidal want to die.

Fact: The majority of people who feel suicidal do not actually want to die; they do not want to live the life they have. The distinction may seem small but is in fact very important and is why talking through other options at the right time is so vital.

The article is here:- http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/myths-about-suicide