During our 17 years of marriage we never argued. NO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! No, I assure you we never argued. I think we disagreed about twice but there was never any animosity or shouting or slagging each other off......
This is a great article because it explains why that is such a bad idea. And so it was, it is the reason we are now divorced. Neither side telling it how it really is.
The number one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict.
What's sad is the reason couples avoid conflict is because they believe it (conflict) causes divorce.
It's like the cartoon where the couple explains to the marriage counselor,
"We never talk anymore. We figured out that's when we do all our fighting."
In the beginning, we avoid conflict because we are in love and we believe that
"staying in love" is about agreeing, about NOT fighting.
We're afraid that if we disagree – or fight – we'll run our marriage off into the ditch.
We believe that if we've found our soulmate, we'll agree about most things - and
certainly about the important things.
Later, we avoid conflict because when we try to deal with our differences
things get so out of hand and our fights so destructive and upsetting
that we simply shut down. After a few bad blow-ups we
become determined to avoid conflict at any cost. And, we start wondering
if we married the wrong person. It shouldn't be this hard.
Successful couples are those who know how to discuss their differences
in ways that actually strengthen their relationship and improve intimacy.
Successful couples know how to contain their disagreements – how to keep them from
spilling over and contaminating the rest of their relationship.
