When Marriage Really Stinks

When Marriage Really Stinks

People have two big fears about marriage. The first is that they will trust their spouse and then be abandoned, whether literally or in other ways. Those other ways might include infidelity, overly long hours at work or with friends, or silent time in front of a TV or computer. They might also include failure to be supportive in the face of challenging in-laws or children. They worry even when their spouses have no intention of doing any of these and promise to stay by their side.

Fear is just a Feeling

Yes, fear is just a feeling.  So how can it cause you actual bodily pain?  When I think about it, I think it must be impossible but it happened to me so I know it is true.  So how does fear affect the body for me?
Feeling sick 24/7.  The only time I don't feel sick is when any of the following are happening- eating, drinking, dancing, sleeping, listening to music.

I cried for 12 whole weeks when my husband left because I was in actual physical pain and IT WOULDN'T GO AWAY.  The pain was caused by fear.  Fear of losing him, fear of losing my home, my job, my mind, my happiness.  And yes, I did lose all of those things ultimately but what I didn't realise was that I was also going to gain a whole lot more.

To my way of thinking there is only one way to get rid of fear and that is to COMPLETELY CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK.  For example, I was born into a generation where I was taught to believe that you should enter one marriage and it should last for your whole life, that if you weren't a virgin you had less value, if you had been in a relationship with someone you were second hand goods, if your husband got a job away from where you lived you should up sticks and go and live there without question, and all this willingly and as though it were really simple and no effort for you.  Well what a load of crap!

NOW IS THE TIME TO MAKE YOUR OWN RULES, question everything, take nothing as given and make your mind up what you believe and what is valid FOR YOU.

So if you are feeling afraid ask yourself what exactly are you afraid of?  What is the worst thing that can happen?  What can you do that will change the current situation?  The worst thing is when you think that you are helpless to do anything, that you can't do anything to change the situation and that the decision is not yours to make.  This is rarely the case.  Sometimes you need courage to put yourself in the driving seat, sometimes you need more information to know how to proceed and sometimes you need help from someone else - DON'T HESITATE TO ASK FOR HELP -  If you don't ask, the answer is ALWAYS No!

BANISH YOUR FEAR - TAKE ACTION!