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When you are in an abusive relationship, you long to know: why does he/she do that? What is going on in the mind of an abuser that causes him/her to strike?
Is it tangible? Would you notice it if you saw it? Is it something within them, or is it something in the dynamics between the two of you?
Abuser Owns Abuse Problem
Our belief is that an abuse problem lies within the abuser. He/she is the only one who can effectively change the interaction pattern of domestic violence.
You can walk away from it... or dive right into it. Alternatively, you can strategically seek to influence the way it plays out. But, in the final analysis, the perpetrator is the only one who controls the abusive behavior.
Given this, the most important question is how does one inspire change in the abuser? After working with couples in abusive relationships over the last 15 years, I am convinced that the cornerstone of lasting positive change in domestic abusers is personal accountability.
