Friday 13 December 2013

Ever thought of Suicide?

I would walk across the road without looking or even thinking about looking, as ending my life seemed to be the best option.  I had nothing to live for.  It was the only way to get out of that pain.  I know that some of you reading this will have been there or may even be in exactly that place right now. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.  Yes, it's to do with your feelings.  No-one has actually done you any bodily injury and yet it feels as though someone has wrenched your chest cavity right open, plucked your heart out and sucked the lifeblood from you.

I didn't care whether someone would go home and tell their family they had killed someone in a road accident. How selfish!  But I didn't care about myself so why would I care about anyone else.  I didn't even think that far because I was in such crisis myself, all I could focus on was the unbearable pain I was in.  And the cause of my pain?  The man who vowed he would love me forever, yes, forever folks, had walked out.   Now that I look back, I wonder how I could be so naive as to think love would last forever but I was brought up in those times when a job and a marriage were forever. losing sleep,


I spent a lot of time being angry at the car drivers when they didn't oblige me and run me down.
I didn't think of it as suicide as I could never have killed myself but I wanted someone to do it for me.  Now how crazy is that!  Am I a coward?  I don't know the answer to that.

Here is something interesting from the Samaritans.  The part that applied to me is in bold.  So although I wanted to be dead I didn't fit any of the usual criteria for someone wanting to commit suicide.

MYTHS ABOUT SUICIDE

Myth: You have to be mentally ill to even think about suicide.
Fact: Most people have thought of suicide from time to time and not all people who die by suicide have mental health problems at the time of death. However, many people who kill themselves do suffer with their mental health, typically to a serious degree. Sometimes it’s known about before the person’s death and sometimes not. 
Myth: People who talk about suicide aren’t serious and won’t go through with it.
Fact: People who kill themselves have often told someone that they do not feel life is worth living or that they have no future. Some may have actually said they want to die. While it’s possible that someone might talk about suicide as a way of getting the attention they need, it’s vitally important to take anybody who talks about feeling suicidal seriously.
Myth: Once a person has made a serious suicide attempt, that person is unlikely to make another.
Fact: People who have tried to end their lives before are significantly more likely to eventually die by suicide than the rest of the population. 
Myth: If a person is serious about killing themselves then there is nothing you can do.
Fact: Often, feeling actively suicidal is temporary, even if someone have been feeling low, anxious or struggling to cope for a long period of time. This is why getting the right kind of support at the right time is so important.
Myth: Talking about suicide is a bad idea as it may give someone the idea to try it. 
Fact: Suicide can be a taboo topic in society. Often, people feeling suicidal don’t want to worry or burden anyone with how they feel and so they don’t discuss it. By asking directly about suicide you give them permission to tell you how they feel. People who have felt suicidal will often say what a huge relief it is to be able to talk about what their experiencing. Once someone starts talking they’ve got a better chance of discovering other options to suicide.
Myth: Most suicides happen in the winter months.
Fact:  Suicide is more common in the spring and summer months.
Myth: People who threaten suicide are just attention seeking and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
Fact: People who threaten suicide should always be taken seriously. It may well be that they want attention in the sense of calling out for help, and giving them this attention may save their life.
Myth: People who are suicidal want to die.
Fact: The majority of people who feel suicidal do not actually want to die; they do not want to live the life they have. The distinction may seem small but is in fact very important and is why talking through other options at the right time is so vital.

The article is here:- http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/myths-about-suicide

Thursday 5 December 2013

How to Survive Infidelity

How to Survive Infidelity

Thank you to marriagebuilders.com for this article.  You can read it here:- http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

The question I am most frequently asked by visitors to this web site is "how can I survive my spouse's affair?" After having counseled thousands of couples with hundreds of marital conflicts, I am completely convinced that a spouse's unfaithfulness is the most painful experience that can be inflicted in marriage. Those I've counseled who have 

Infidelity Video
Infidelity Video
Click to watch
had the tragic misfortune of having experienced rape, physical abuse, sexual abuse of their children, and infidelity have consistently reported to me that their spouse's unfaithfulness was their very worst experience. To be convinced of the devastating impact of infidelity, you only need to go through it once.
And yet, more than 50% of all spouses are victims of infidelity, which means that one spouse in most marriages will suffer the greatest marital pain possible at some time during their lifetimes. It's no wonder that I receive so many letters from these victims of unfaithfulness.

Beijing Divorces Soar


Beijing's divorce rate has soared as couples seek to avoid a property tax imposed earlier this year by using a loophole for those whose marriages end, state media reported Tuesday.

BEIJING: Beijing's divorce rate has soared as couples seek to avoid a property tax imposed earlier this year by using a loophole for those whose marriages end, state media reported Tuesday.
Nearly 40,000 couples divorced in the Chinese capital in the first nine months of this year, up 41 percent on the same period in 2012, the Beijing Youth Daily said, citing official figures.
In March China introduced a nationwide capital gains tax of 20 percent on the profits owners make from selling residential property.
But the terms allow couples with two properties who divorce and put each house into one person's name to then sell them tax-free under certain conditions -- after which they can remarry.
The growth rate in divorces was "far higher" than in the previous four years, the newspaper added.
"The exceptionally fast growth is related to tax evasion by some people taking advantage of a loophole in the (new) property purchase regulations introduced by the government," it quoted Li Ziwei, a marriage expert and former civil affairs official in Beijing, as saying.
Couples in other first-tier cities -- where property prices have rocketed in recent years -- have also turned to the practice to avoid the capital gains tax, which can amount to tens of thousands of dollars, the paper said.
Homeowners were previously taxed at just one or two percent of the sale price.
A Shanghai marriage registration office -- where divorce applications are also processed in China -- has put out a sign saying: "There are risks in the property market, think twice before you get divorced," the Beijing Youth Daily added.
Property prices are a sensitive issue in China and authorities have sought for the past three years to control their rise.
As well as the capital gains tax, other measures have included restrictions on purchases of second and third homes, higher minimum down-payments and taxes on multiple and non-locally owned homes in some cities.

Thank you for this article ChannelNewsAsia