Saturday 28 February 2015

Divorce: A List Of Pros And Cons


Unhappy-Couple.jpg - Courtesy Image Source via Getty Images
Courtesy Image Source via Getty Images
In most cases divorce happens because a spouse is tired of dealing with problems in the marriage. Divorce is the number one way 50% of those married choose to handle their marital problems. But, is divorce a solution to marital problems or, just another way of introducing more problems into an already stressful situation?
There are pros and cons to divorce. When in the throes of a bad marriage I would venture to say that most think about the pros and don’t consider the cons until a divorce is filed and they are either in the middle of nasty divorce litigation or, divorced and living the, sometimes, negative consequences of their choice to divorce.
Based on personal and professional experience, below are the pros and cons of divorce. I hope you will consider both before jumping, feet first into the family court system.
Pros of Divorce:
 1. If you are living in a violent situation divorce and the family court is your out. If ever you should divorce, there is no better reason than domestic abuse.
2. She didn’t cheat once, she has given new meaning to the term “serial cheater.” In that case, bid her “au revoir.” You deserve better and will be better off!
3. He calls you names, controls when and where you are allowed to do anything. He is a bully, who needs that? Divorce him and find some peace of mind.
4. You two have different expectations of marriage. What he wants from the marriage is on the other end of the spectrum from what you want. Meeting in the middle isn’t going to happen and you will only end up resenting each other. Divorce will free you up to find someone who is more “like-minded.”
5. Not everyone views sex as an important part of the marriage contract. Those who are married to folks who don’t consider sex important can live in a special kind of hell. If sex is high on your list of marital priorities but is low on hers’, you have no moral obligation to remain married to someone who is withholding that intimate connection.
6. There are many pros to divorce. It can free you from an emotionally unsustainable situation and free you up to build a healthy, rewarding life either on your own or with a new person.
Cons of Divorce:
1. Divorce will have a negative impact on your children. You can lessen the impact on your children by making their needs for security your main priority during and after your divorce. But, make no mistake, divorce is as hard, if not harder on children as it is for parents.
2. Your finances will suffer during and after divorce. If you are a father you will pay child support and, in some cases, spousal support. If you are a woman, your income will drastically decrease leaving you to struggle to make ends meet.
According to marriage researchers Drs. Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, “Divorcing individuals would need more than a 30% increase in income, on average, to maintain the same standard of living they had prior to their divorce. About one in five women fall into poverty as a result of divorce. Three out of four divorced mothers don’t receive full payment of child support. Most men experience a loss in their standard of living in the years after a divorce, as well, a loss generally about 10%–40%, depending on circumstances.” It isn’t a pretty picture! 
3. It can take years to heal from the emotional pain caused by divorce. Regardless of the problems in the marriage you have developed an emotional and physiological attachment to your spouse and the family as a unit. You are detaching yourself from a way of life and it only makes sense that, whether you wanted the divorce or not, it will take time to work through very confusing emotions.
4. Divorce not only changes the relationship with your spouse, it changes relationships you have with friends and family. Are you close to your spouses’ family? Don’t expect that to continue. Expect friends and family to take sides, choose one spouse over the other and leave someone out in the dark. Its human nature and divorce always comes with the loss of close friendships and familial relationships.
There are two sides to divorce, the good side and the bad side. Please consider both before moving ahead with your plans to divorce due to marital problems that may have a better solution.

Source:- http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/fl/Divorce-A-List-Of-Pros-And-Cons.htm

Friday 27 February 2015

The Different Kinds Of Divorce

This is for readers in the USA

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How can you get divorced? Let me count the ways!


There’s not just one way to divorce. The differences can be in the law, like fault or no-fault, or in the way you and your spouse approach it, like uncontested, contested, or default. This article describes briefly the different kinds of divorce in general terms, with links to more information about some kinds of divorces.
No matter how you slice it, divorce is expensive and time consuming. The most important variable is how well you and your spouse are able to put aside your anger and grief and cooperate on the big issues of money and children. The better you are at working together to make decisions for your changing family structure, the better for your bank account and for your chances of emerging from the divorce with a decent relationship with your ex.

Thursday 26 February 2015

Financial Issues On Divorce

Divorce and the break up of any relationship, family and home is traumatic and stressful.Concerns about finances can soon make the process adversarial and more complex. You should aim to negotiate a divorce settlement that provides for each party and any dependents, with any assets divided fairly

First financial arrangements upon separation

If you are the main or only earner in a marriage, you may need to continue providing financial support to your spouse before reaching any final agreement, for example, paying bills even if you have left the marital home.
Reasonable payments should not affect the final agreement adversely, but failing to provide necessary support is likely to provoke hostility.
Conversely, if you are financially dependent on your spouse, ask for suitable arrangements to be made. If your spouse refuses, you can apply to the court for an interim financial order, requiring them to meet your financial needs until final agreement is reached.
At the same time, there are some immediate steps you can take to protect yourself financially.
  • If you are concerned that your spouse will abuse them, you could close joint bank and credit card accounts (although you may need to make separate arrangements for your spouse’s reasonable financial needs).
  • If your spouse is the sole owner of the family home, you can register an interest (at the Land Registry) to prevent the home being sold without your agreement.
  • Get legal advice if you think your spouse is trying to hide or shift assets (eg: overseas or in trust).

Ensuring financial provision for children

The first priority is to look after the welfare and financial needs of any children, more specifically, children under 16 and older children who are in full-time education or have special needs.
Children's needs include having a home. In practice, this may mean they and one parent continue to live in the family home, but this is not automatically the case – particularly where limited total assets are available. To meet both parents’ financial needs and the children's, it might be necessary to sell the family home.
In addition, the parent who no longer lives with the children will normally provide financial support. You can negotiate an agreement on child maintenance between yourselves or involve the Child Maintenance Service.

Key factors in determining a divorce settlement

Whether one party is responsible for a marriage's breakdown or ‘at fault’ (eg: has committed adultery) rarely impacts on what is legally considered to be a reasonable financial settlement.
Instead, key factors to be taken into account (apart from the needs of any children) include: 
  • Each spouse’s income and other financial resources. The focus is generally on proven resources, for example, actual income, rather than prospects. Any pension entitlements are also taken into account.
  • Each spouse’s financial needs.
  • How long you have been married and how old each spouse is. The longer the marriage, the more likely it is that the less wealthy spouse will be entitled to a substantial share of the assets and/or continuing maintenance.
  • The contribution each spouse has made. Importantly, looking after the house and children can be as valuable a contribution as going out to earn an income.
  • The family’s standard of living prior to the marriage's breakdown – although this is usually only relevant if substantial assets are available. In practice, in most divorces both spouses end up financially worse off due to the higher cost of running two households.
Your lawyer can advise you what would be reasonable in your circumstances.

Negotiating a divorce settlement agreement

The process will be easier and less expensive if you and your spouse cooperate to negotiate a fair agreement.
Options include negotiating directly between yourselves, using a family mediation service or collaborative law, or involving your lawyers.
For example, you might use a lawyer’s advice on what to reasonably expect as a benchmark for your negotiations, before later involving them in the final details. Drawn-out legal arguments should be avoided because they are expensive and both spouses can end up worse off.
As a starting point, you should both fully disclose your financial positions. Failing to do so may mean that agreements are later overturned.
You will also each need to work out your key objectives. For example, one of you might be keen to retain the family home or the family business, while a non-earner’s priority might be to secure a regular monthly income through maintenance payments.
Negotiating agreement between yourselves is more likely to deliver a reasonably satisfactory outcome than if the court imposes a solution.
There is no set time limit on the financial negotiations and you can get divorced without having reached a final agreement. However, if you remarry without having reached agreement, you may lose your right to make any financial claims.
Once you have reached agreement, you should apply to the court for a ‘consent order’. This allows the court to check that the agreement you have reached is fair. It also limits the ability of either spouse to later ask the court to change financial arrangements, and makes it easier to take action if your former spouse fails to honour his or her commitments.

The divorce settlement

The right agreement for you will depend on your circumstances and objectives. Any agreement must take into account all assets and sources of income, and balance the different interests of the parties involved. Issues to consider include:
  • Who will retain the family home, or whether it will be sold to allow you both to purchase a smaller home.
  • Whether either of you will pay continuing maintenance to the other or agree a one-off lump sum payment. A clean break provides greater certainty to both parties, but can be difficult to arrange if capital is not easily available.
  • What financial arrangements will be made for any dependent children (you cannot make a clean break in regard to any child maintenance obligations).
  • How any pension fund entitlements will be shared out, for example, by splitting the fund or offsetting it against other assets.
  • What will be done about any life insurance or other investment policies, for example, whether one spouse agrees to continue paying premiums.
  • What changes you each wish to make to your wills. Once you are divorced, your former spouse automatically ceases to be a beneficiary.
If you expect to receive maintenance, you should understand the potential risks:
  • Maintenance payments are uncertain: your spouse could apply to alter payments if circumstances change (eg: they become unemployed or if you start living with someone else).
  • You would normally cease receiving maintenance if you remarry.
  • Maintenance payments will cease if your former spouse dies. However, you may be able to make a claim against their estate.
As part of the overall negotiation, you can protect yourself against such risks, for example, by requiring your former spouse to take out appropriate life insurance (for your benefit).
Before finalising any agreement, make sure you clearly understand its overall effect on your long-term financial position.

Source:- http://www.lawdonut.co.uk/law/personal-law/divorce-separation-cohabitation/financial-issues-on-divorce

Friday 20 February 2015

Top 10 Reasons You Won’t Take Her Back

There's a lot of talk amongst the male community about how women just don't get it. We hear it everywhere. From movies, from the Sunday comics, from pretty much every advertisement geared towards men. But never is it more apparent than in a situation we've all been in- when a girl wants you back and you say "No". It's ridiculous. They go on about how they love you so much and they can't imagine being without you and they are going to kill themselves in your apartment while you're at work, but they just won't listen to reason.
And eventually, they get over it, and say he didn't know what he gave up, or that he was just a bastard. But ladies, it's a lot more than that. Men aren't good at expressing these things, so as a reminder to the men, and a public service announcement to the women, this is why we won't take a girl back.
1) Already Been There
Now, this is comes across as somewhat rude, but that is hardly what I mean. Yes, once we have sex with you, we immediately become slightly less interested in you. It's the same way you feel after you've gone to the Grand Canyon, or eaten at a restaurant. The mystery is gone. It's an experience you've had. That's completely normal. Granted, it's sorta awful, but it's counteracted heavily by a number of other factors.
If you were great in bed, that outweighs the already been there factor two to one easily. If you make particularly awesome noises, it's three to one. And most of the time, knowing what you look like naked just makes us wish you were naked more often. We're actually a pretty big fan of girls we've had sex with, generally speaking. But the 'already been there' factor rears it's ugly head again after a breakup.
When two people split, the initial draw of having sex with you for the first time is gone. Not only is it gone, but it's counteracted by all the horrible things that happened over the course of the breakup. If the relationship was long, it was likely that we tried everything we were going to try. That means that the reconciliation offer amounts to, sexually, do all that stuff you've already one with an older version of the same girl who has keyed your car, or told all her friends you have a microscopic dinky-doo, or nailed your brother. She already crapped the bed (possibly literally), and that is now mixed in with all the good memories. Which brings us to…

2) Pavlovian Reaction To Her Face… Forever
A breakup is a horrible thing. It sucks. I'm pretty sure it's on a bunch of scientific lists of the most traumatic and stressful things ever (scientific citation needed). But very few of the things on those lists occur in one moment, staring face to face. That means in the moment you realized you were no longer going to be with someone who you care about, you were looking at that person. Directly in the face. And they were probably crying.
That image never goes away. If you broke up over the phone or these newfangled interwebs, you're either too young to get this or too evil to care. No, proper breakups happen face to face. And you never forget it. I still remember the breakup face of every single girl I dated since high school. They're all horrible, and if I could remove them, I could. Just thinking about them now makes me feel like shit. Jeez.
The point is, that face isn't a context sensitive thing. It's just her face. Any time she looks at you, it's the same face that broke up with you. It suddenly becomes some sort of vile mask of pain and hatred. No matter what you're saying, we have a Pavlovian reaction to that face meaning we are in, or about to be in, the most excruciating of all the pains. So why are those feelings so strong?

3) Women Are Terrible At Breakups
Now, I'm not saying men are any better, but I've never split up with a man, so I have a hard time saying. However, having quite a bit of experience in the subject on this side, I have found that women are really bad at breaking up with people. They do things they would never normally do, make ridiculous, life changing decisions, and generally make both former members of the relationship miserable.
Breakups are generally horrible, but they don't really have to be. There is a pragmatic way to do it, where both parties realize it won't work and split amicably. Sure, it'll still suck, but not nearly as much. I understand this may be a pipe dream, and I'm sure there are men that keep it from being possible too. But every girl I've dated had to make it suck as much as possible. All I wanted was to know whether or not we'd still be together. They wanted their 90's WB teen dramas reenacted loudly and in my face. Go to hell, Dawson's Creek. Burn forever right next to the men you drove to hit their women. (Not a justification, just an explanation.)
My friends do it too. I even point out exactly what they are doing wrong and how to fix it. Then they come back to me, shocked, wondering what went wrong. Maybe if you didn't act like such a heinous bitch, he might still love you, but you spent on that goodwill on screaming matches and wanton sex. Which brings us to the most likely reason of all…

4) She Banged Another Guy
Throughout the history of humanity, there has been imbalance of the morays relating to men and women's sexual promiscuity (historical citation needed). In an attempt to resolve this, I will establish 5 basic rules for either gender when it comes to sex, and if you keep to this, you won't be branded a ten dollar prostitute (or gigolo).
1) Don't screw if you're underage.
2) Don't screw unprotected unless (etc etc etc)
3) Don't screw your family.
4) Don't screw outside of a relationship if you are in one.
5) Don't screw immediately after a breakup.
The fifth one seems strange, I know, but honestly, it's healthy. After a breakup, you should, for the mental health of both you and your partner, cool your jets a bit until a return to mental stability occurs. But if you do, you're not really a ten dollar prostitute to anyone but the person you broke up with. And the dude you nailed for a tequila shot.
The point is, it's incredibly screwed up. You can't be screwing one guy and then wanting to get back together. And you REALLY can't be doing them both at the same time. But that's why rule number five is stupid. However, rule number four…

5) Rule Number Four (damn, the numbers are reversed)
Cheating is stupid. For a lot of reasons. Probably another article in that. But, in the context of this article, cheating is stupid because you have immediately given him every reason he needs not to ever speak to you again. Forever. That's like Hitler coming to Israel and being all like "What do you think of second chances, eh guys?". You don't get to do that, women. That's not a thing that you get to do.
I get that it's a more modern world. I understand that people can have sex more freely now than ever before. And that's fantastic. I am a huge fan of sex. But if your partner isn't necessarily as cool as you or I, and isn't hip to this post-sexual revolution world or whatever, then you have to suck it up and have sex with only them. Or not be with them. But don't nail someone else and THEN break up. That's basically sex treason.


6) SHE Dumped YOU
I know this entry will only statistically cover 51% of breakups (assuming everyone on Earth has dumped an equal number of people), but it's still an important factor. And honestly, if you dumped her, then you know exactly why you won't take her back, because it's exactly the same reasons you dumped her for. So that was easy.
But if she DID dump you, then all of those previous entries take on a different character. You had to look at her face while she was dumping you. You've already had sex with her and she dumped you. She's laid with another man and also she dumped you. Does that make sense ladies? I know we're not fountains of emotion all the time, and generally we can seem pretty insensitive, but that hurts. I'm amazed you haven't figured that out yet.

7) She Is Just So Sad All The Time
Is it just me, or are women the absolute masters of being miserable? The moment something happens that they don't like, or worse, they realize they've made a mistake, and suddenly it's all running mascara and crashing their car. This is doubly true of breakups. After a breakup, girls are so dramatic that they need a 12 piece Greek Chorus backing them up with morose moaning. And despite the whole damsel in distress thing being a turn on, it's not pretty.
We know your crazy bullshit, ladies. After a breakup, we've lived with it for a while. For the months after a breakup, we know it's turned up to ten. And we want no part of it. I don't care that you're writing suicidal poetry, doing porn or reading Dianetics. It's not my problem anymore. That's, like, the one benefit to breaking up. Do you think piling more of it on me will make me want you back more? Do you really think the things I missed most about you were your raging hormones and melodrama? But even if you brought your absolute best to the table, it may not work because…

8) Men Know Broken Up Sex Doesn't Last
I was talking before about how women do crazy things in the midst of a breakup. Well, that includes sex. With the guys they broke up with. And it is the craziest sex that girl will ever have. It's probably some of the best sex the guy will ever have. But that's all it is.
Women seem to think that doing that one thing we always begged them to do will make us love them again. But that's not something you have to read in Cosmo, that's obvious to every man on the planet. Which means we know you're gonna do it. Which means you don't mean it.
The point is that if you don't really want to do it, no matter how special it is that you are doing it, you're not going to do it ever, ever again. We'd love you to, really, but this is a one time low self esteem ploy for attention. We will humor it, and love humoring it, but we aren't going to buy the cow that left us for an amateur botanist just cause the milk was really great that one time.

9) Life Really Sucks After A Breakup

Get it (they're SUCKING)
The picture that I'm trying to paint for you is that life ain't too pretty on the dude side of the breakup equation. Everything sucks. Your daily schedule suddenly changes completely. You are allowed to do things you weren't before, but that won't fill in the things you can't do anymore. Pretty much the only thing you can feel is lonely. And that's not even a great relationship. That's a half decent one. After a really spectacular relationship, everything is the worst it could possibly be. Nothing can change that.
So why do you think this is a good time to try to get back with us? It's like invading Russia. We're just cold and horrible and nothing you do will get through to us. Hell, it's like invading Russia if you were the ancient witch that made Russia cold and horrible all the time. We're both going to suffer grievous losses, and then you'll give up, broken and defeated. What I'm trying to say is…

10) Give Us Some Time
It's a cliche for a reason. When we say "give me some time", we're not trying to trick you. We're not asking for time so we can forget you and hook up with everyone we see on the way to work in the morning. That is how we process things. We need time. We don't make snap decisions that ruin everybody's life like you. And it has to be more okay that we don't than that you do.
So, women, if you want your man back, give him some time. Let him figure his shit out, and you go figure out yours. Try to be a civil, respectful human being, and maybe, just maybe, you'll be rewarded. And men? If a woman should actually accomplish this, give them a chance. The only way to instill good behavior is to reward it. So, when you're ready, take them out for dinner, or a drink. See if you can still stand their face. THEN make a decision.

Source:- http://www.craveonline.co.uk/lifestyle/lists/169831-10-reasons-you-wont-take-her-back

Thursday 19 February 2015

MY GIRLFRIEND JUST DUMPED ME




It feels like you got shot in the gut, you’re confused, and you don’t know what to do. I know there’s a ton of expert material out there on this, but this is different for one reason: I just got dumped too, and yeah, it fucking hurts. I’m writing this for myself as much as I am for you. I’m no guru, no natural; I’m only a hurt guy next to you. And we’re gonna pull each other out of this mess. What we do right now, bloodied and battered, is what defines us as men. We can choose to be weak, lay on the cold ground and await the artillery of emotion, or we can choose to become the stuff of legends.

Monday 16 February 2015

Pamela Anderson Files For Divorce From Rick Salomon ... Again

But they looked so happy together ...
But they looked so happy together ... Source: Getty Images
PAMELA Anderson is done with Rick Salomon — again.
The former Baywatch star, 47, has filed from divorce from her third husband for a third time, reports TMZ.
According to the website, the actress separated from her husband of just over a year on Tuesday and filed the requisite paperwork at the courthouse on Wednesday.
But that doesn’t mean the duo is done, if history repeats itself.
Although this is the third time she’s moved to dissolve her marriage with the poker player, they’ve only been divorced once before.
Pam’s unlucky in love.
Pam’s unlucky in love. Source: News Limited
Oh my. Pamela Anderson on Baywatch.
Oh my. Pamela Anderson on Baywatch. Source: No Source
The couple was first married in 2007, but Anderson had the marriage annulled just two months later.
They decided to try things over again in January of last year, but by July, the ‘90s sex icon filed for divorce a second time. She called the move off the next month.
Maybe we’ll get another Anderson-penned poem out of the whole ordeal.

Source:- http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity-life/pamela-anderson-files-for-divorce-from-rick-salomon-again/story-fnk825aa-1227218165436