Divorce Diaries: Finally, A Bill of Rights for Ex Wives

"Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever." - Nora Ephron

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Divorced? Finally, a Bill of Rights for Ex Wives
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RIP Nora Ephron: "Marriages come and go, but divorce is forever."
Nora Ephron was the original Ex Wife. The brilliant author and screenwriter was really the best, funniest and most courageous writer to pull back the curtain and reveal the indignities and horrors of being cheated on by your husband, of navigating the uncertain aftermath of post-split-with-children life.
Ms. Ephron died recently after living privately with an aggressive cancer. She was 71.
If you have not read her book "Heartburn" and seen the movie starring Meryl Streep playing the very pregnant, very cheated on Nora Ephron, do yourself a favor and do so right now.She was founder and editor-at-large for Huffington Post Divorce, and the site said goodbye to her today beneath the headline: "Thank You, Nora Ephron, For Telling the Truth About Divorce"It seems a fitting way to say goodbye to one of our favorite and most loved chroniclers of women's lives. She told painful truths encased in hysterically funny prose, with some fabulous recipes thrown in.Beneath the veneer of incredible humor and wit, she rendered so many sad realities and conflicts inherent in post-divorce parenting.
In honor of Nora Ephron, and all the members of the Ex Wives Club, I hereby offer:

A Bill of 33 Rights for Ex Wives

1. You have the right not to be cheated on – especially when pregnant.
2. You have the right to make loud public scenes when finding out your husband is cheating on you – when you're pregnant.
3. You have the right to announce your findings at a dinner party with close friends.
4. You have the right to use cooking and food as comfort, distraction, revenge or weaponry – but, alas—chances are it will come back to bite you on the hips.
5. You have the right to share your story (or, if you're Nora Ephron, write a best-selling book about it that gets turned into an award-winning movie starring Meryl Streep as you…and then get to be buddies with Ms. Streep.)
6. You have the right to an honest accounting by your ex-husband of what he's done – only if you want it.
7. You have the right to feel stunned and outraged that your life turned out this way.
8. You have the right to pamper yourself, to nip or tuck or spa your way through the despair.
9. You have the right to demand payment for your decades of unpaid labor and not feel one iota of guilt.

10.You have the right to tell your children the whole truth, (some of it only when they are old enough.)

Source:- http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/because-im-the-mom/201209/divorce-diaries-finally-bill-rights-ex-wives

PREDICTING DIVORCE

PREDICTING DIVORCE – JOHN GOTTMAN


John Gottman has spent years studying marriages - both marriages that
have endured, and marriages that have eventually ended in divorce. He
studied marriages with the intent of uncovering the reasons why some
marriages work and why other marriages fail.
After studying marriages for 16 years, he has learned to predict which
couples will eventually divorce and which will remain married. He can make
this prediction based on the ways couples argue, after listening to the couple
for just five minutes, with 91% accuracy. He can make these predictions
with such a high degree of accuracy because he has discovered which
behaviors will lead to a breakup of the marriage. He has pinpointed five signs
that a couple will most likely suffer a future break-up.
The First Sign: A Harsh Startup
The first of these signs that will predict divorce is the way the discussion
begins, because 96% of the time the way a discussion begins can
predict the way it will end. When one partner begins the discussion using
a harsh startup, such as being negative, accusatory or using contempt, the
discussion is basically doomed to fail. On the other hand, when one partner
begins the discussion using a softened startup, the discussion will most likely
end on the same positive tone.
The Second Sign: The Four Horsemen
A harsh startup can lead the couple's discussion down a path of negative
interaction. This type of negativity can wreak havoc on a marriage. Indeed,
there are four types of negative interactions that are so lethal to a marriage
that Gottman has labeled them the Four Horsemen of Apocalypse.
"Usually these four horsemen clip-clop into the heart of a marriage in the
following order: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling"
(Gottman et al 27).
The first of the lethal horsemen is criticism. Gottman distinguishes between
criticism and complaints, because one partner will always have certain
complaints about his or her spouse. Complaining about one's spouse is
normal, however, the way one goes about expressing these complaints is
most important. The problem arises when complaints turn into
criticisms. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, while a criticism
attacks the character of the person. An example of the difference between a
complaint and a criticism is the following:
Complaint: "You should have told me earlier that you're too tired to make
love. I'm disappointed, and I feel embarrassed."


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