Tell-Tale Signs That It's Time To Divorce

 In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to "throw in the towel." Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving...in my opinion.

Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, "If he died tomorrow I'd have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear." Their marriage had gone on way too long. So long that she had developed feelings of animosity toward her husband. If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can't muster of the energy to even engage anymore?

Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don't give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.

Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

Does the idea of sex with your husband cause you to feel trapped, like you want to cry, pack your bags and never come back? If so, it is time to act on your feelings.

Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

Feelings of resentment come from being hurt by your husband. They stem from allowing someone to hurt you. There is nothing wrong with feeling hurt by the actions of another. The kiss of death to a marriage comes when we harbor those hurt feelings and do nothing about them. When you don't voice your feelings in a proper manner or stand up for yourself, hurt turns to resentment. From resentment grows bitterness and hostility, feelings hard to work through and more than likely mean the end of a marriage.

The above list is a small sample of signs that your marriage is dead. Many women live for years in a marriage where some or all of the above signs are present. They stay for any number of reasons...guilt, religious beliefs, the children, fear of change. They stay for all the wrong reasons. In my opinion, when it is over, it is over. It is time to stop peeling onions and throw in the towel.

Source:- https://www.firstwivesworld.com/index.php/experts/item/3903-tell-tale-signs-that-its-time-to-divorce

Is It Time To Give Up On Your Marriage?

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Question: Is It Time To Give Up On Your Marriage?

Answer:

I hear it so often from people in bad marriages…”when do I divorce, when do I stop beating my head against the wall and accept that my marriage is over?”

It is a question I ask myself on many occasions during my marriage. I had made a commitment; I was to stay for “better or worse.” I felt it my obligation to do whatever I could to not break the vows I had made. So obligated that I was giving up who I was and becoming someone I didn’t like.

So, when people ask me, “when is it time to divorce” I tell them if the person they are becoming is someone they don’t like, they need to get out of the marriage. If you are in a marriage that requires you to:

• put aside goals you have set for yourself,
• isolates you from friends and family,
• limits what you are allowed to do for entertainment,
• change your belief system,
• constantly nag to get what you want and need,
• make excuses for your spouse’s behavior,
• feel as if you have to walk on eggshells,
• live in fear of abuse,
• let go of who you are as an individual,
• worry constantly over the problems in the marriage,
• question yourself over and over again about why you are still there.

If you find yourself consumed with worry over the problems in your marriage even though you have done all you can to try and solve those problems. When the problems in your marriage consume most of your energy, you are wasting energy and should move on.

Common Marital Problems:

Here is the problem most people have to deal with when deciding whether to divorce or not. That old belief that we should be able to fix the problems. We spend time and energy and give up who we are and what we want in hopes of making the marriage work. What is easily forgotten is that it takes two to make a marriage work. We only have control over one party to the marriage…ourselves.

If you are married to an alcoholic, you can’t make him/her stop drinking. If you are married to an adulterer, you can’t make him/her stop seeing the other man/other woman. If you are married to a spouse who abuses you, the abuse is not going to stop until they deal with their own issues. It is out of your control.

You have to change what you are comfortable changing about yourself. Make all the adjustments you feel you should and once you have done that, you’ve done all you have any control over. It is normal to think or hope that you might find just the right words to get through to your spouse. Magical words that will cause the light bulb to come on and change him/her into the very person you need him/her to be. It is unhealthy to give up yourself in hopes of changing another human being.

Knowing When to Divorce:

There is also the waiting game we play. You think if we can go to counseling things will change, or once he stops drinking or leaves the other man/other woman we can make this marriage work. The problem with the waiting game is that you may end up waiting a lifetime.

The waiting game keeps you from living in the here and now. It keeps you from dealing with and seeing the reality of your situation. What if 25 years from now you are still waiting, still giving up who you are and what you want? Can you honestly say that you will like the person you will become while waiting for someone else to meet your needs?

If your marriage is keeping you from being someone you like, if it is keeping you from getting all you want out of life, if you are doing all the work while your spouse ignores the problems in the marriage and the toll it is taking on you why would you want to stay?

Three Reasons Not to Play the Waiting Game:

You have the opportunity to live life as you choose. You have the opportunity to live a life that gives you joy, peace of mind and emotional fulfillment. Making the choice to let go of a marriage that you know is unhealthy is really, really hard. You may find that it is an opportunity to finally become someone you really like.

Source:- http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/divorc_time.htm