Showing posts with label stonewalling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stonewalling. Show all posts

Monday, 26 January 2015

Tell-Tale Signs That It's Time To Divorce



 In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to "throw in the towel." Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving...in my opinion.
Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?
Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, "If he died tomorrow I'd have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear." Their marriage had gone on way too long. So long that she had developed feelings of animosity toward her husband. If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.
Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can't muster of the energy to even engage anymore?
Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don't give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.
Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?
Does the idea of sex with your husband cause you to feel trapped, like you want to cry, pack your bags and never come back? If so, it is time to act on your feelings.
Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?
Feelings of resentment come from being hurt by your husband. They stem from allowing someone to hurt you. There is nothing wrong with feeling hurt by the actions of another. The kiss of death to a marriage comes when we harbor those hurt feelings and do nothing about them. When you don't voice your feelings in a proper manner or stand up for yourself, hurt turns to resentment. From resentment grows bitterness and hostility, feelings hard to work through and more than likely mean the end of a marriage.
The above list is a small sample of signs that your marriage is dead. Many women live for years in a marriage where some or all of the above signs are present. They stay for any number of reasons...guilt, religious beliefs, the children, fear of change. They stay for all the wrong reasons. In my opinion, when it is over, it is over. It is time to stop peeling onions and throw in the towel.

Source:- https://www.firstwivesworld.com/index.php/experts/item/3903-tell-tale-signs-that-its-time-to-divorce

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Why Do People Get Divorced?

Divorce is on the rise due to the "traditional reasons" as well as the "starter marriage" syndrome.

Why Do People Get Divorced?

Gottman offers research to support two main reasons and times for divorce:
  • 5-7 years due to high conflict
  • 10-12 years due to loss of intimacy and connection
But why does this happen? Wallerstein offers that divorce is passed down from divorcing parents to their children:
  • Among adult children of divorced parents, only 60% marry, with 50% marrying before age 25 and most marrying people they had known only a short-time.
  • 40% of them eventually divorce (in other words, only 36% of children of divorce are happily married). Among adult children from intact families, 80% marry, and 9% of them divorce (in other words, 73% of children of intact families are happily married).
  • Among the adult children of divorced parents that never marry, half are women. Among the adult children from intact families that never marry, one-third are women.

Sunday, 4 January 2015

Stonewalling in Marital Relationships







Upset Man Holding Newspaper, Sitting on Bed - LWA/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images
LWA/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images
Stonewalling, is defined as a.To engage in delaying tactics; stall: b. To refuse to answer or cooperate. What exactly does this look like in a marriage? Below are a few examples of stonewalling in a relationship:
  • Your wife has done something that hurts your feelings or, there is a problem in the marriage that you wish to discuss with her. Your attempts to communicate your feelingsover the situation are met with silence. Her way of avoiding conflict is to refuse to participate in the conversation.

  • Your husband spends all weekend watching sports instead of participating in family activities. You sit with him, explain to him that you don’t have a problem with him watching sports but would like for him to take a few hours of his weekend to spend with the family. He responds by folding his arms and muttering, “whatever.” Then he is back to watching the game. He is totally disconnected from the family and what the family needs from him. 

  • Your wife is a shopaholic, so much so that you begin to worry about the financial repercussions of her spending habits. You feel a need to discuss the problem with her and set some boundaries on her spending. Half way through the conversation she changes the subject; it is no longer about her shopping but now about how much time you spend at work. Her taking the spotlight off of her faults and shining it on yours is a display of smugness. “How dare you point out my flaws, when you have flaws of your own.”