Friday 13 December 2013

Ever thought of Suicide?

I would walk across the road without looking or even thinking about looking, as ending my life seemed to be the best option.  I had nothing to live for.  It was the only way to get out of that pain.  I know that some of you reading this will have been there or may even be in exactly that place right now. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.  Yes, it's to do with your feelings.  No-one has actually done you any bodily injury and yet it feels as though someone has wrenched your chest cavity right open, plucked your heart out and sucked the lifeblood from you.

I didn't care whether someone would go home and tell their family they had killed someone in a road accident. How selfish!  But I didn't care about myself so why would I care about anyone else.  I didn't even think that far because I was in such crisis myself, all I could focus on was the unbearable pain I was in.  And the cause of my pain?  The man who vowed he would love me forever, yes, forever folks, had walked out.   Now that I look back, I wonder how I could be so naive as to think love would last forever but I was brought up in those times when a job and a marriage were forever. losing sleep,


I spent a lot of time being angry at the car drivers when they didn't oblige me and run me down.
I didn't think of it as suicide as I could never have killed myself but I wanted someone to do it for me.  Now how crazy is that!  Am I a coward?  I don't know the answer to that.

Here is something interesting from the Samaritans.  The part that applied to me is in bold.  So although I wanted to be dead I didn't fit any of the usual criteria for someone wanting to commit suicide.

MYTHS ABOUT SUICIDE

Myth: You have to be mentally ill to even think about suicide.
Fact: Most people have thought of suicide from time to time and not all people who die by suicide have mental health problems at the time of death. However, many people who kill themselves do suffer with their mental health, typically to a serious degree. Sometimes it’s known about before the person’s death and sometimes not. 
Myth: People who talk about suicide aren’t serious and won’t go through with it.
Fact: People who kill themselves have often told someone that they do not feel life is worth living or that they have no future. Some may have actually said they want to die. While it’s possible that someone might talk about suicide as a way of getting the attention they need, it’s vitally important to take anybody who talks about feeling suicidal seriously.
Myth: Once a person has made a serious suicide attempt, that person is unlikely to make another.
Fact: People who have tried to end their lives before are significantly more likely to eventually die by suicide than the rest of the population. 
Myth: If a person is serious about killing themselves then there is nothing you can do.
Fact: Often, feeling actively suicidal is temporary, even if someone have been feeling low, anxious or struggling to cope for a long period of time. This is why getting the right kind of support at the right time is so important.
Myth: Talking about suicide is a bad idea as it may give someone the idea to try it. 
Fact: Suicide can be a taboo topic in society. Often, people feeling suicidal don’t want to worry or burden anyone with how they feel and so they don’t discuss it. By asking directly about suicide you give them permission to tell you how they feel. People who have felt suicidal will often say what a huge relief it is to be able to talk about what their experiencing. Once someone starts talking they’ve got a better chance of discovering other options to suicide.
Myth: Most suicides happen in the winter months.
Fact:  Suicide is more common in the spring and summer months.
Myth: People who threaten suicide are just attention seeking and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
Fact: People who threaten suicide should always be taken seriously. It may well be that they want attention in the sense of calling out for help, and giving them this attention may save their life.
Myth: People who are suicidal want to die.
Fact: The majority of people who feel suicidal do not actually want to die; they do not want to live the life they have. The distinction may seem small but is in fact very important and is why talking through other options at the right time is so vital.

The article is here:- http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/myths-about-suicide

Thursday 5 December 2013

How to Survive Infidelity

How to Survive Infidelity

Thank you to marriagebuilders.com for this article.  You can read it here:- http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

The question I am most frequently asked by visitors to this web site is "how can I survive my spouse's affair?" After having counseled thousands of couples with hundreds of marital conflicts, I am completely convinced that a spouse's unfaithfulness is the most painful experience that can be inflicted in marriage. Those I've counseled who have 

Infidelity Video
Infidelity Video
Click to watch
had the tragic misfortune of having experienced rape, physical abuse, sexual abuse of their children, and infidelity have consistently reported to me that their spouse's unfaithfulness was their very worst experience. To be convinced of the devastating impact of infidelity, you only need to go through it once.
And yet, more than 50% of all spouses are victims of infidelity, which means that one spouse in most marriages will suffer the greatest marital pain possible at some time during their lifetimes. It's no wonder that I receive so many letters from these victims of unfaithfulness.

Beijing Divorces Soar


Beijing's divorce rate has soared as couples seek to avoid a property tax imposed earlier this year by using a loophole for those whose marriages end, state media reported Tuesday.

BEIJING: Beijing's divorce rate has soared as couples seek to avoid a property tax imposed earlier this year by using a loophole for those whose marriages end, state media reported Tuesday.
Nearly 40,000 couples divorced in the Chinese capital in the first nine months of this year, up 41 percent on the same period in 2012, the Beijing Youth Daily said, citing official figures.
In March China introduced a nationwide capital gains tax of 20 percent on the profits owners make from selling residential property.
But the terms allow couples with two properties who divorce and put each house into one person's name to then sell them tax-free under certain conditions -- after which they can remarry.
The growth rate in divorces was "far higher" than in the previous four years, the newspaper added.
"The exceptionally fast growth is related to tax evasion by some people taking advantage of a loophole in the (new) property purchase regulations introduced by the government," it quoted Li Ziwei, a marriage expert and former civil affairs official in Beijing, as saying.
Couples in other first-tier cities -- where property prices have rocketed in recent years -- have also turned to the practice to avoid the capital gains tax, which can amount to tens of thousands of dollars, the paper said.
Homeowners were previously taxed at just one or two percent of the sale price.
A Shanghai marriage registration office -- where divorce applications are also processed in China -- has put out a sign saying: "There are risks in the property market, think twice before you get divorced," the Beijing Youth Daily added.
Property prices are a sensitive issue in China and authorities have sought for the past three years to control their rise.
As well as the capital gains tax, other measures have included restrictions on purchases of second and third homes, higher minimum down-payments and taxes on multiple and non-locally owned homes in some cities.

Thank you for this article ChannelNewsAsia

Friday 18 October 2013

33 Powerful Ways of Overcoming Fear … Right Now



Overcoming fear is a skill that anyone can learn.Overcoming Fear - Ball and Chain


The problem is that most people cling to their fears, because it’s part of who they are.
If you aren’t ready to start overcoming fear, you probably won’t.
And there’s nothing wrong in that. Everything happens in its own time.
If you’re reading this article though, I’m pretty sure that you’re ready to take another step forward.
You searched for this information, or you bumped into it, which isn’t just a coincidence.

How to Start Overcoming Fear, Right Now

1. Awareness. Before you can begin overcoming fear, you have to know that they are causing havoc in your life. It’s easy to get so attached to your thoughts and feelings that you think they are all that exist, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
2. Identify. Get specific about what exactly you’re afraid of. Look at the pictures you have in your head about the situation. What is happening in them? What are you really scared of? Become an observer of your inner space.
3. Curiosity. While curiosity may have killed the cat, it certainly won’t do you any harm when investigating your fears. Get curious about what thoughts generate your fear, where do you feel the fear, and how do you react to it? Again, be an observer of what is going on.
4. The Now. What are you lacking right now? When you center yourself in the now, you realize that everything is how it is. You naturally accept what is. Tapping into the now can be as simple as feeling your body and breath. My favorite book on the subject is Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
5. EFT. EFT is short for Emotional Freedom Techniques. You use your fingertips to tap meridian points on your body while thinking of a fear you have and it alleviates and sometimes gets rid of the fear altogether. Simple, yet extremely powerful.
6. Sedona Method. Another simple system to overcoming fear is the Sedona method. It consists of asking a few simple questions while focusing on your fear. It’s so simple that I dismissed it several times before taking it seriously. Bad move!
7. The Work. The Work is very similar to the Sedona method in that it asks questions. The Work is one of my favorite ways of overcoming fears, anxieties, and worries. If you go for nothing else on this list, go for The Work. It will rock your world, if you let it ;)
8. Hypnosis. With hypnosis, you can program the right thoughts into your mind and eliminate negative beliefs. This doesn’t work for everyone, but it might for you. My brother uses it to consistently evoke positive change in his life.
9. Gratitude. Whenever you feel fear, switch it over to what you are grateful for instead. If you’re afraid of public speaking, be grateful for the opportunity to communicate with so many people, and that they are there to genuinely listen to what you have to say.

Read the rest of this article at :- http://www.wakeupcloud.com/overcoming-fear/

Here is one way of getting to fearless - take a look!
 From Failure to Fearless     Click Here! 
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Sunday 22 September 2013

THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!

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Breakfast in bed, chocolate on the pillow and a divorce


divorce-sign
The divorce hotel is coming to the UK, but how will it work 
and will it be a success? asks Jonathan West
When Elvis Presley’s relationship ended he found solace at the end of Lonely Street at the Heartbreak Hotel, and it seems the UK will soon be getting its very own version of the heartbreak hotel.
The divorce hotel is the brainchild of Dutch entrepreneur Jim Halfens and has been piloted in the Netherlands, with hopes to launch the programme in the UK early next year. Halfens also intends to open divorce hotels in the US, with plans for a fly-on-the-wall reality series apparently already in the pipeline. 

Betrayal

  The greater the love and loyalty, the involvement and commitment, the greater the betrayal.
James Hillman

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.
Sir Walter Scott


Secrets, lies, cheating.  They’re all forms of betrayal, and they all destroy trust.

As a therapist I have seen my share of emotional havoc wreaked by betrayal; and, as a divorced woman I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of deception.

When facing a mate’s lies it’s important to remember that their lying says absolutely nothing about you and everything about them.  Either they were cowardly and couldn’t face you with the truth, or they have a diagnosable psychiatric condition like sociopathy (now euphemistically called Anti-social Personality Disorder).  Neither explanation makes them particularly appealing.

Unfortunately, you invested a good part of your life loving and trusting this person, so expect a hefty amount of cognitive dissonance and grief. Those feelings will dissipate, but not before you’ve danced more than a few pas de deux with them. Expect to feel outraged. Thoughts like: “How could s/he do this to me?” are the coin of the realm.  

Bad things happen to everyone.  There’s no inoculation from betrayal.  You can be the best partner on earth and still be treated poorly. Actually, people who are pathological liars and sociopaths have an innate sense of who is a good mark.  They usually choose a hard-working, open-hearted soul who will be devoted to them. I am not referring to one-time liars here, but people who have lied throughout a relationship.  Not the person who had a one-night stand, but the adulterer who had a series of extra-curricular trysts. Not the person who made a silly financial mistake, but the one who repeatedly withheld information, lying by omission.  The virtuous mate persists in seeing their partner in the best light, despite evidence to the contrary.  Why? An honest person does not think others are duplicitous; it simply doesn’t occur to them. They habitually assume the best; and, everyone is subject to inertia (a body at rest stays at rest and a body in motion says in motion). Normal responsibilities, like laundry, car-pooling the kids, and working are distracting. The luxury of trusting someone means not examining every little nuance for signs of secrets. 

So, how do you wrap your mind around this situation and move forward?  First of all, if you are honest and forthright other people are, too.  I know it’s easy to question one’s judgment, but you are much wiser now than when you entered into this relationship.  In the future, you will be more cautious, but not so much that you lock up your heart.  Give yourself time.  You will heal.  Everything truly happens for your highest good, even though it may impossible to see that now.

Here’s a radical thought: be happy you trusted someone.  It says something wonderful about you.  Everyone gets taken in by someone sometimes. Con artists are charismatic. They use their wiles to manipulate.  Be glad you found out the truth.  It may be a bitter pill, but there’s an antidote: loving yourself and living joyfully.  You may not be there yet, but you will be. People recover from the loss of their rose-colored glasses every day.

This lady writes amazing stuff!

See more at.....     http://holisticdivorce.wordpress.com/category/betrayal/

For lots of help and information when you realise divorce may be on the cards follow this link to the "divorce advice for women" site.

Divorce Advice for Women     


If you purchase any item using this link I will receive a commission.


What has Chocolate got to do with it?

How do you explain to little children about divorce?

Here is a book that may help you with that problem.  "Was it the Chocolate pudding?" by Sandra Levins.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Was-Chocolate-Pudding-Little-Divorce/dp/1591473098





You can help your children through your divorce.  click on this link to find more information



Children and Divorce       Click Here!
If you purchase an item via this link I will receive a commission.      


Chocolate's Healing powers
Chocolate is one of the greatest substances on earth.  In addition to being sublimely delicious, it bathes your brain in feel-good chemicals.  I know none of us needs more reasons to sink our teeth into something decadent, especially during stressful times, but I can’t resist sharing these findings with you.

Thursday 12 September 2013

Attacking your own Liver

Well I am going to admit it - I drank so much alcohol after my husband left me.  I don't really know how I am still alive!  I will elaborate more in another post but for now please read this lady's story......Just so you know what you might be doing to your liver if you hit the bottle in response to your separation/divorce, or any other stressful life event.


I would like to thank this lady so much for sharing this experience with us.  It must have been really hard to go through and really hard to admit to.

Cirrhosis - 'I haven't touched a drop for three years now'

"I used to work as a practice manager for two GPs and found my job very stressful. I had problems with one of the doctors and became very stressed and anxious about going into work.
"I'd come home at night really wound up and it became a running joke that my husband would greet me at the door with a glass of wine. I drank heavily for around six months back in 2004, getting through a bottle and a half of wine a night.
"Even though I didn't know it then, I already had symptoms of liver failure. Towards the end of that six-month period, I had swollen ankles, but just thought it was because I was on my feet all day.
"I was also being sick every day, but again I put that down to nerves and anxiety about work. I wasn't eating much and didn't feel hungry, but I carried on drinking every night.


More......http://www.webmd.boots.com/a-to-z-guides/tc/cirrhosis-i-havent-touched-a-drop-for-three-years-now



Well it's all about pain really, isn't it?  Deep, all-consuming, physical, abiding pain.   How to stop the pain you are going through 24/7.   Heal a Broken Heart is something that may be relevant to you.  Please follow this link to find out about it. 






 
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Sunday 8 September 2013

Using legal separation to prepare for divorce

This article is from the website of Scott David Stewart and relates to the law in Arizona.


Even if you do eventually end up getting a divorce, legal separation is still a potentially effective course of action for protecting your interests. One reason for this is that it will give you and your spouse an opportunity to test out the terms of the divorce before committing to the finality of a dissolution of marriage. Once the judge has issued the decree of divorce, you will have to live with the legally enforceable court orders whether or not you are happy with them, with your only option for changing them being to file a petition for modification.
Given that it is difficult to accurately predict what your life will be like after divorce, especially if you have been married for many years, it may be wise for you to use legal separation as a precursor to divorce. Your separation agreement will include terms for everything from child custodyvisitation and child support, to property division and spousal support - all issues that will have to be addressed during the divorce. By legally separating now, you can test out the arrangements and determine what works for you.

More on this topic at     http://www.arizonalawgroup.com/Family-Law/Legal-Separation.aspx

Monday 11 February 2013

A Loving Divorce

What a lot of rubbish, there is no such thing.  Or is there?

I have found an amazing site for you to check out.  This is the loving divorce article by Candace Smyth.  It is called Have you Reset for 2013?


Can you believe we are still in the first month of 2013?  I have to say that I am truly grateful to have a few more weeks here.  January of every year is so important for the rest of the year.  It is also a big month of change.  Those who are unhappy in their marriage or relationship find the new year the exact right time to take affirmative action in their situation — whether to leave the marriage, decide to start couples counseling, begin to take time for themselves to figure things out.  January is a great time to make a move.  I feel hopeful because I am finding more and more people who want to end their marriages in a more loving, peaceful way.
We all have the capacity to make a loving divorce and co-parenting relationship work. We do. And, many times it is our life path to work on our part in the conflict with our spouse or former partner. It is the work the universe or god has blessed us with. And, with each step through this work, we find ourselves wise, more healed, and better able to deal with the next great lesson.

For more of this article go to      http://tinyurl.com/cyorm4y

Candace is a heart-centered divorce coach and family mediator based in Washington D.C.

Is there someone like this in your area?


There is so much helpful content on her website.  Check out the 
North Star Sessions Weekly Interview Series.  I mean it!  Don't miss these!








Friday 18 January 2013

PREDICTING DIVORCE


PREDICTING DIVORCE – JOHN GOTTMAN


John Gottman has spent years studying marriages - both marriages that
have endured, and marriages that have eventually ended in divorce. He
studied marriages with the intent of uncovering the reasons why some
marriages work and why other marriages fail.
After studying marriages for 16 years, he has learned to predict which
couples will eventually divorce and which will remain married. He can make
this prediction based on the ways couples argue, after listening to the couple
for just five minutes, with 91% accuracy. He can make these predictions
with such a high degree of accuracy because he has discovered which
behaviors will lead to a breakup of the marriage. He has pinpointed five signs
that a couple will most likely suffer a future break-up.
The First Sign: A Harsh Startup
The first of these signs that will predict divorce is the way the discussion
begins, because 96% of the time the way a discussion begins can
predict the way it will end. When one partner begins the discussion using
a harsh startup, such as being negative, accusatory or using contempt, the
discussion is basically doomed to fail. On the other hand, when one partner
begins the discussion using a softened startup, the discussion will most likely
end on the same positive tone.
The Second Sign: The Four Horsemen
A harsh startup can lead the couple's discussion down a path of negative
interaction. This type of negativity can wreak havoc on a marriage. Indeed,
there are four types of negative interactions that are so lethal to a marriage
that Gottman has labeled them the Four Horsemen of Apocalypse.
"Usually these four horsemen clip-clop into the heart of a marriage in the
following order: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling"
(Gottman et al 27).
The first of the lethal horsemen is criticism. Gottman distinguishes between
criticism and complaints, because one partner will always have certain
complaints about his or her spouse. Complaining about one's spouse is
normal, however, the way one goes about expressing these complaints is
most important. The problem arises when complaints turn into
criticisms. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, while a criticism
attacks the character of the person. An example of the difference between a
complaint and a criticism is the following:
Complaint: "You should have told me earlier that you're too tired to make
love. I'm disappointed, and I feel embarrassed."


more.....


http://tinyurl.com/a69brrp

This is from a site called isoulseek.