The Four Divorce Alternatives

No two marriages are the same, and so it only follows that no two  divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a woman who’s contemplating divorce, you have several options about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to consider four broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best advice I can give you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is very complicated, both legally and financially. You can easily make mistakes, and often those mistakes are irreversible. The only scenario I can envision when a Do-It-Yourself divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted only two or three years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, comparable incomes and no alimony. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be accomplished quite quickly and inexpensively. Nevertheless, I would still highly recommend that each party have their own separate attorney review the final documents.

Why Won’t He Take Steps To Finalize His Divorce?

I have been with someone for six months. He and I are very compatible and have a great time together. He has two kids who I’ve grown to adore. The only problem is that he’s still married. 

He’s been separated from her for three years (she cheated on him). He wants a divorce from her and she’s a massive pain to him, but he just won’t take the steps to begin his divorce. Until recently, he was still paying her bills on top of his own (she refuses to get a job because she’s a “musician.”) She has custody of the kids and all he can talk about is getting custody of them, but I can’t get him to begin to take the steps he needs to go through to get to what he wants.

On top of this, any time I bring it up, he accuses me of being worried he wants to go back to his wife. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. I just want him to be happy and it is obvious to me that he’s not happy in his current situation. Please help me. I love my boyfriend and he loves me. I love his children. I just want him to take the steps towards being legally separated from her. -Caitlin

There’s absolutely nothing preventing your boyfriend from getting a divorce.

Your question reminds me of one I got a year ago, in which a man wrote in that his girlfriend wanted him to get a divorce, but he wouldn’t because he was on his wife’s healthcare. In that instance, I sided with him. He was clearly in love, but he was caught between a rock and a hard place, because getting married would cost him tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills.

It was one of the rare instances in which the majority of my readers disagreed with me. And while I haven’t changed my position one bit, it’s always stuck in my craw that I couldn’t get more people to see his point of view.

And that’s why I chose your dilemma, Caitlin. Because while your situation is similar, there’s a very important distinction that tilts my sympathies in your favor:

There’s absolutely nothing preventing your boyfriend from getting a divorce.

In the previous case, a divorce wouldn’t benefit the man at all. In your case, a divorce would free him officially from his ex and allow him to start over with a clean slate.

So that begs the question: why would a man who has been separated for three years from the wife who cheated on him NOT want to divorce her?

Beats the hell out of me.

Which is why your question is better directed towards HIM than yours truly.

I can’t omnisciently declare what’s going through the minds of all men, especially when it’s not clearly rational.

The best source of clarity, therefore, would be your boyfriend.

When he says, “You’re afraid I’m going back to my ex,” and you say, “No, I’m not. I’m afraid that if you never get divorced, we’re never going to get married,” you’ve ended his false line of reasoning and put the ball back in his court.

Now, instead of letting him wiggle out of it with another non-answer, nail him down and get an answer to the following $64,000 question:

I can’t omnisciently declare what’s going through the minds of all men, especially when it’s not clearly rational.

“Why don’t you initiate divorce proceedings and get legal shared custody of the kids? What’s holding you back?”

You may learn that he’s financially dependent upon her.

You may learn that he still hopes to get back together one day.

You may learn that a divorce will cost him a lot more money in alimony than he wants to pay.

You may learn that the status quo is fine and that a divorce may hurt the amount of time he has with the kids.

Or you may just realize that he’s a doormat – a man who is willing to pay the bills for his cheating ex-wife and play entirely on her terms.

No matter what you learn, Caitlin, at least you’ll get some clarity moving forward.

And if marriage is your endgame and he’s not playing, it’s time to walk.

Source:- http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-wont-he-take-steps-to-finalize-his-divorce/

Reader Question: Should I Wait for My Separated Guy?

Renee asks: 
I got talking to this really lovely guy at work event just over a year ago. We connected I think because we like a lot of the same things, similar backgrounds, and I definitely felt a connection between us and when he asked me for my number at the end of the night, I thought nothing of giving it to him. We went on several dates and it was only then that it transpired that he is separated from his wife. They’ve been married for six years, no kids, and had been separated for about three months when we met. To say I was shocked and disappointed wouldn’t even cover it, but I was already falling for him and he said he’d been afraid to tell me in case I turned him down. I asked for some space to get my head around things and at first he left me alone and then he called and called and eventually I caved.

At the time, he assured me that the divorce was definitely going ahead and there was no chance of reconciliation. He said they’d grown apart, they wanted different things, and just couldn’t see eye to eye about a lot of stuff. I took him at his word but a year on, they’re not divorced yet (or even close) and twice he’s said that he’s crazy about me but that he thinks he should give his marriage another shot. He then claims they’re working at things but keeps calling me. The first time it happened was devastating and the second time, I lost it with him, and yet…I’m still waiting for him to do the right thing.

I would never have got involved with him if I’d known that he was separated and I certainly wouldn’t have stayed if I’d known it was going to be like this. I don’t know what to do. When I try to get something concrete from him, he tells me to stop pressuring him and that “Six years is a long time you know Renee! You can’t just expect me to throw it away!”. I’m crazy about him and I don’t want to feel like I’ve wasted a year – I’m 38, I don’t have time to waste! But I don’t want to be treated like this either and I’ve been reading your site and am worried I’m with a Mr Unavailable. Do you think I should wait for him? What if he just needs some time? 

Renee, I have two words for you – Get.Out. Actually, make it three – Get.Out.Fast.

I don’t want to rain on the parade of separated folk everywhere but there is a reason why they’re ‘separated’ – it’s because they’re not divorced and are still married, and that in itself adds a complicating factor to any new relationship they get involved in. I’m not saying that separated people can’t date, however, many separated people start dating and think later.

The separated people that are dangerous to date, overestimate what they think they’re capable of being involved in and how genuinely interested they are in you, and then start backtracking quicker than you can say ‘But I thought you said you were getting divorced!’.

You shouldn’t be worried that you might be with a Mr Unavailable – you should be highly concerned about the fact that you are involved with a Mr Unavailable. If you were with a separated person who was ready to move on, he wouldn’t be trying to reconcile with his wife! 

In your case, it’s a bit like a violation of the trade description act. You’ve brought a product under the impression that it is and does as described and have discovered that it doesn’t and are the disgruntled customer who wants what she paid for – the man you met is not on offer. 

The man you met a year ago, was footless and carefree on a night out. He was charming, appeared to share the same interests, and you seemed to have similar backgrounds. He was supposedly single and eager to date you. He just left out the rather hefty problem of the fact that he’s not actually single. He’s married, separated, and in spite of the fact that the divorce was supposed to be definite, it’s not so definite that he can’t park you in limbo land whilst he asks for some ‘time out’ to go back to his wife to work on things. 

You’re with that very non committal Mr Unavailable – can’t commit to being with you, can’t commit to not being with you, and can’t commit to an outcome. 

You’re an ‘option’ to him. He’s keeping you on ice and should he ever see fit to leave his wife, he wants the assurance that there is someone else out there pining for him and believing in a future with him. Mega ego stroke alert! 

You should never allow yourself to be regarded as someone’s ‘option’.

Your relationship with him started out being based on a lie and he himself didn’t believe in how over his marriage was because he didn’t see fit to tell you until you were already emotionally invested – but you were invested in what you thought was a single man. It’s not a little omission – it’s a big one that fundamentally affected the ability for your relationship to progress.

The trouble with this deception is that by not being upfront he removed the right for you to decide what you 1) want to be involved in and 2) what you’re comfortable with. You probably would have proceeded more cautiously and asked more crucial questions and opted out when it became apparent that this isn’t a healthy situation to be involved in.

But you want to know if you should wait – that’s the last thing you should do.

When you wait for non-commital guys, they continue to believe that you’re an option but they also feel no great impetus to change.

They get to fanny around in indecision whilst you sideline your life and put a serious dent in your self-esteem waiting around for them. It’s draining and demeaning to wait for someone to choose. If he’s going to leave and divorce her, he’ll leave and divorce her. He was married and separated before you met him – him divorcing shouldn’t and isn’t dependent on you.

The fact of the matter is, he said there was no chance of a reconciliation but he’s gone back twice and the divorce is in no danger of showing up. If six years is such a long time and he’s making dumb, patronising statements about you expecting him to throw it away, why is he around you? Six years is always going to be six years. On the basis of that reason, he’ll never divorce her. 

People that are working at their marriages, don’t keep calling up someone else to make sure that they have all of their options covered. Even when he says he’s giving his marriage another try, he’s uncommitted and can’t even work at his marriage without creeping around calling you!

You say you don’t have time to waste – whilst we can’t know all that lies in store for us when we become involved with someone, the idea of those early weeks and months of dating is to work out whether you should proceed ahead and whether your early perceptions hold up, or whether the reality is very different and you should halt, or abort the mission. Whilst he is leading you up and down the garden path, ultimately it’s you who is going back and not heeding the warnings of his flip flapping behaviour.

If he’s really getting divorced and he really wants to be in a relationship with you, tell him to come back when he’s free to be with you properly and accept nothing in between that because you’ve already tried that and it hasn’t worked and how could you trust that he wouldn’t continue to flip flap back to her?

Get on with your own life and access your own willingness to be in a relationship. You say you don’t have time to wait and it sounds like you want to be in a relationship, and yet you’re involved with someone who isn’t actually available to you and is undecided about who he wants to be with. If you really want a relationship, even though it may empty out your pool a bit, it is better to focus your energy on people who offer likelier prospects for relationships instead of people who resist it.

You don’t have to treat this guy like a last chance saloon. I wouldn’t even begin to suggest that dating is easy, because it’s not, but this is not the type of compromising you should be getting involved in. Being with this man has you being and doing things that you are not comfortable with and are not representative of your values.

You’re right to question what he’s doing but he has given you an answer even if it isn’t directly and whilst I appreciate that you feel emotionally invested in him, his marriage takes priority. That in itself gives you an answer. 

You are not compatible at present. It doesn’t matter if you both like the same music, food, high brow books, and yada yada yada. It doesn’t matter if you have similar backgrounds because those things don’t mean jack to the relationship right now because they are not things that make the relationship work.

You may have plenty in common on the interests front but on the value front and what you both want at this time, you’re incompatible and that’s what counts.

Don’t make the mistake of assuming that just because he’s been married before that it must mean that he’s capable of commitment because plenty of people get married without being capable of actually being committed.

I don’t think that he needs more time and you have to ask what you’re giving him time to do – to make up his mind about you? To try out his marriage again?

Don’t wait and don’t give him more time – they are two things that he’s already had and it’s not giving you a great result. Take action and get on with your own life. If this is real, it’ll still be real when he’s divorced. If you stay and wait, you won’t like who you become and if he finally divorces, you might feel like you got the booby prize. 

Your thoughts? Have you waited for a flip flapping separated guy?

What would you do? My ebook The No Contact Rule is now available to buy and provides a dedicated guide to getting over someone by cutting contact and injecting some boundaries into your life so that you can move on to a happier you. For a no holds barred guide to emotionally unavailable men, including separated guys that flip flap in indecision, and the women that love them, you can also get Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl. For personal advice or analysis of your relationship/situation, check out my consultation service.

Source:- http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/reader-question-should-i-wait-for-my-separated-guy/

           

FATHERS RIGHTS IN THE UK

Fathers rights - indeed, parental rights - do not really exist in UK law. Instead, the law refers to parental responsibilities. Parental Responsibility (PR, or Parental Responsibilities and Rights (PPR) in Scotland) is a legal status that means that you have a duty to care for and protect your child.

Fathers rights to see their children are not set out in UK law as such, but depend on a number of factors, or which Parental Responsibility is just one. Having said that, PR (or PPR) gives you the right to contribute to decision making regarding your child's future such as:

• giving consent to medical treatment
• choosing their school
• deciding how they should be brought up
• choosing their name
• choosing their religion

What does UK law say about fathers rights to see their children when parents separate? What rights do you and your child have? Is the law, or are the courts, biased against dads? We look at your legal position if you're separating.

FATHERS RIGHTS IN THE UK

Fathers rights - indeed, parental rights - do not really exist in UK law. Instead, the law refers to parental responsibilities. Parental Responsibility (PR, or Parental Responsibilities and Rights (PPR) in Scotland) is a legal status that means that you have a duty to care for and protect your child.

Fathers rights to see their children are not set out in UK law as such, but depend on a number of factors, or which Parental Responsibility is just one. Having said that, PR (or PPR) gives you the right to contribute to decision making regarding your child's future such as:

• giving consent to medical treatment
• choosing their school
• deciding how they should be brought up
• choosing their name
• choosing their religion

Source:- http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/fathers-rights-and-law/fathers-rights-to-see-their-children-law-in-the-uk?gclid=CjwKEAiA_4emBRCxi8_f2cWWjFcSJAB-v1qyV1LpbP0De3ObMI34URakwUOLrU4gaoAsy5_WRxQuRRoCJ-Hw_wcB

Tell-Tale Signs That It's Time To Divorce

 In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to "throw in the towel." Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving...in my opinion.

Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, "If he died tomorrow I'd have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear." Their marriage had gone on way too long. So long that she had developed feelings of animosity toward her husband. If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can't muster of the energy to even engage anymore?

Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don't give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.

Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

Does the idea of sex with your husband cause you to feel trapped, like you want to cry, pack your bags and never come back? If so, it is time to act on your feelings.

Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

Feelings of resentment come from being hurt by your husband. They stem from allowing someone to hurt you. There is nothing wrong with feeling hurt by the actions of another. The kiss of death to a marriage comes when we harbor those hurt feelings and do nothing about them. When you don't voice your feelings in a proper manner or stand up for yourself, hurt turns to resentment. From resentment grows bitterness and hostility, feelings hard to work through and more than likely mean the end of a marriage.

The above list is a small sample of signs that your marriage is dead. Many women live for years in a marriage where some or all of the above signs are present. They stay for any number of reasons...guilt, religious beliefs, the children, fear of change. They stay for all the wrong reasons. In my opinion, when it is over, it is over. It is time to stop peeling onions and throw in the towel.

Source:- https://www.firstwivesworld.com/index.php/experts/item/3903-tell-tale-signs-that-its-time-to-divorce

How To Divorce As Peacefully As Possible

No divorce is sweet and rarely is it as amicable as hoped for. Many losses are experienced when ending a relationship, such as the loss of a home, security, finances, comfort, intimacy, etc., just to name a few.

However, there are some strategies that divorcing couples can learn in order to make their departure from the relationship as peaceful and stress-free as possible. By finding successful strategies to deal with the loss and pain, both partners can find an effective pathway to facilitate the process and end up with a peaceful outcome.

Steps

1. 
   2
   Aim to see the positive side to dealing with lawyers and the courts. While this part of divorce proceedings may be stressful, once over this does provide some tangible benefits to the divorce process. Partners are now legally separated from their duties to be responsible for one another. Moreover, the certainty as to assets that arises from the legal process can settle the messiness that emotional attachments create. As part of coping with the legal aspects of divorce, the following considerations will help a more peaceful process for you:
   • Know your legal rights. It is important to know your rights and how to enforce them in relation to property settlement, maintenance, and custody. Knowledge can help to keep you calmer and more at ease about what is happening to you.
   • Find a lawyer you click with. Don't settle for the first one if that lawyer doesn't feel right. Sometimes the strain of divorce can be more than matched by your irritation with your lawyer's antics, so be sure you're happy with this person before agreeing to retaining them. The more aggressive and "take-all" the attitude of your lawyer, the less amicable the settlement process will be, so bear that in mind when choosing one.
   • Consider a mutually lawyer-free divorce. Recognize that a bad divorce lawyer's interest lies in smoothly, calmly sucking you in to a war. Divorces are largely boilerplate; a Google of "divorce for" returns "divorce for dummies" as the first hit.
     • Unfortunately if you have children divorce may be too complicated for the "do it yourself" approach. Good divorce lawyers are not interested in sucking you in to war. They make more money in the long term by providing fast, quality service that leaves you happy with them and willing to refer them to your friends, family and even total strangers. While reading up on how divorce works is a good idea remember that book like "divorce for dummies" are written for a national market. They are not State specific. If you and your spouse are able to reach an agreement on every single aspect of your divorce you can draw up your own paperwork using a form found on the internet but you should at least pay for an hour of an attorney's time to have them review it. This could save you time by having them point out minor mistakes that could prevent the judge from signing your decree. If you have children the situation is even more complicated as there are numerous additional requirements that the State may impose on you that a lawyer can make sure are there and done property. Paying a lawyer for an hour of their time to review your document makes more sense than spending 2 hours at the courthouse just to have the judge tell you there is a flaw in your decree and that she isn't allowed to tell you what it is because that would be giving legal advice and she can't do that.

Rant: Divorce: Not An Option For Me

Having grown up as the child of divorce, raising my own kids feels like trying to break a curse.

Sasha, why did your parents get divorced?" the carpool mom purred into the rearview mirror of her station wagon one day. She was after dirt.
"My mom's a Democrat, and my dad's a Republican," I replied. They did seem to argue politics a lot.

My parents did not appear to have a bad marriage. My childhood memories are of cross-country car trips, jumping on beds with our beloved Norwegian elkhound, my little brother teaching me how to throw a football and ride a bike no-handed, and my parents—both teachers—encouraging me to be curious about everything.
We were the kind of family nobody expected would divorce. My parents' saga was riveting to everyone.I was 10. We sat in the living room, a kid on each parent's lap, as my mom told us they were separating. I froze. I watched my little brother's face crumple. We cried spectacularly. Couldn't we get them to change their minds? They grimly endured our agony, and Mom rented a duplex a few blocks away.As divorces go, my parents handled it pretty well. They never said a mean word about each other. They were united at teacher conferences, sporting events, and proms. My brother and I loaded up laundry baskets with clothes and shuttled back and forth, spending two weeks with Mom and two weeks with Dad.Meanwhile, I was determined to be The Divorced Kid Who Turned Out Fine. I'm a type-A, achieving firstborn. My brother just rode around the neighborhood on his dirt bike, unplugged from Mom and Dad.The problem with divorce is kids want to be the center of the universe. When your parents divorce, their antics upstage you. And I was driven crazy by something I knew in my bones: They still loved each other.

Sasha Aslanian

Years after their divorce, they dated each other again. And broke up again. Over and over. I think this gave me the idea that love never dies. It's just incredibly painful for the rest of your life.

The dark little secret adult children of divorce carry is that we're doomed to do the same thing. We're 50 percent more likely to end our own marriages than those whose parents stay together. And we'll do anything to keep from breaking our own kids' hearts someday—including not getting married and not having children.
I should know. In my 20s, I was living with my boyfriend when I noticed something odd: All of our friends were getting married. "Why?" I asked my best friend when she called with her happy news. I wasn't invited to be a bridesmaid in that wedding.
I did eventually want to be a mother, so I casually asked my mom what she would think if my boyfriend and I had a baby. I was 30 and needed to get the show on the road. My mom's a groovy '60s chick—she even looks a little like Gloria Steinem—so I figured she'd be cool with it. Wrong. I forgot the '60s chick was raised in the '50s.
I booked the church. I cried geysers through the entire ceremony, and the minister had to keep smuggling me handkerchiefs. So much for my nonchalance about marriage. I was scared out of my mind, and overwhelmed by the enormity of it.
Yet I was determined to do it differently. Where my parents would stay up all night playing gin rummy because the loser had to turn out the light, I chose a marriage where we don't keep score. One time my dad asked me how often I let my husband win arguments. I told him, "About half the time." My dad was incredulous that his stubborn daughter would cede that much ground. "But Dad," I said—feeling like the older person in this conversation—"sometimes he's actually right."
In the cookie-cutter wedding that married off my mom at 19, equality wasn't expected, nor was she to have a career. "Man is the head of the household," booms the minister on the reel-to-reel tape recording of the ceremony she still keeps. "I didn't know how to renegotiate the contract," she admitted to me recently. All she could do was void it and face life on her own.
I was at her duplex when my reserved Norwegian mother got the call offering her a teaching job. She hung up the phone and did a pirouette through the living room. I will never be that desperate for a job in my life, I thought.
I'm so much more forgiving of them now that I'm a parent myself. How hard it must have been to hide a broken heart and rally to the challenges of solo parenting. How they must have had to bite their tongue when we wanted to pin blame. And to the poor souls who tried to date my single parents: I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you.

Sasha Aslanian

Now when I find out friends are divorcing, I'm quick on the scene with damage control for their kids. Keep them at the center. Tell them you love them until it embarrasses them to hear it. Support their relationships with your ex and any stepparents that enter the scene. Remember, this is the only childhood they get.
I longed to be a parent because I saw it as a chance to relive the playful exhilaration of youth but rewrite the ending my way. "Who's having a happy childhood?" I like to ask my kids. They know the drill. They shoot their little bean sprout arms up in the air and yell, "Me!" I haven't messed this up yet.
As a divorced kid, I worried my marriage would detonate from a fuse I couldn't control. Now I see marriage as the millions of tiny matchsticks we safely blow out: Do I snap when my husband asks me to hand him something, or do I catch his eye and smile? Marriage isn't the big "I do" moment of takeoff. It's how you handle all the mundane hours of tinkering with the controls, inventing flight plans. I want my children to trust the grown-ups to fly this plane.
My kids are still trying to figure out my parents' arrangement. My folks live six blocks apart but function as Mor Mor and Happy, the grandparent team. Once, after a sleepover at my mom's house, my younger daughter noted on the drive home, "Happy had a sleepover, too." I burst out laughing. I don't think divorce makes any sense to my kids. I hope it never will.

Source:- http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201303/rant-divorce-not-option-me

What Are The Chances Of Me Keeping The Family Home

My husband and I are getting divorced, what are the chances of me keeping the family home - and what do we do if I can't?

I am separating from my husband and at present I live in the family home with our two younger teenage daughters, the eldest is at university and only comes home during holidays.

What are the chances of staying in the family home with my children? I am working and as I do not need to pay for childcare I would just about be able to afford the mortgage. However, the house is our only large marital asset. 

If, as part of the split, it has to be sold would there be a capital gains liability, as this would affect how much equity both of us would receive? If I have custody of the children will I be entitled to a larger share? T.A via email

+1

Dispute: At the heart of most bitter divorce cases is the problem of money

Linda McKay of This is Money replies: At the heart of most bitter divorce cases is the problem of money. 

If you can come to some agreement over this early on you can look forward to a more amicable future relationship for yourself, your daughters and their father. 

I asked one of our legal experts for insight over your concern for the family home.

Robin Charrot, family partner at national law firm Mills & Reeve, replies: You won't be able to stay in your home forever, but you might be able to do so while your daughters still live with you.

Firstly, try asking your husband to agree to postpone any sale until your daughters have left home. If he has their interests at heart, and if you approach him in the right way (I would recommend mediation or collaborative law), he may well agree.

More...

• How to get divorced without the big bills
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If he doesn't, you will need to convince a judge that postponing the sale is the best way of providing a home for your daughters until they leave. If your home is not too big (a three bed semi-detached or smaller), or if you can show that right now you can't afford to sell, split the equity and buy a big enough house for you and your daughters, you have a good chance of winning.

If the sale is postponed, there will be extra issues to sort out, like, when exactly is it going to be sold?
Who benefits from you paying the mortgage? Who pays for maintenance or repairs? Who benefits from increases in value?

You shouldn't have to pay capital gains tax, assuming your home is your principal private residence. 

If the sale is postponed for a long time, your husband might have to pay some capital gains tax.

You are not automatically entitled to a larger slice of the equity just because your daughters are living with you. 

After all, your husband should be paying you child maintenance. However, there are other reasons why you might get more than half; for example, if you are entitled to claim maintenance for yourself but instead take a larger share of the house, or if your husband keeps more than half of other assets such as his pension.

Linda Mckay adds: You may want to seek independent legal advice alone before going into mediation with your estranged spouse.

Equip yourself with knowledge of all the legal rights you may have then expect to compromise. 

Flexibility over financial arrangements and custody and communication are key to smoothing the separation.

Source:- http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/experts/article-2632816/I-getting-divorced-chances-keeping-family-home.html

What Are The Grounds For Divorce?

There is only one ground for divorce in England and Wales: irretrievable breakdown of marriage. To prove irretrievable breakdown of marriage, one party must demonstrate one or more of the following ‘facts’:

• the other spouse has committed adultery;
• the behaviour of the other spouse has been unreasonable;
• a spouse has deserted the other for a period of two years;
• the spouses have been separated with consent for two years; and/or
• the spouses have been separated without consent for five years.

We have only been married a short time. Can I file for divorce?

In England and Wales you cannot petition for divorce if you have been married less than one year. You must wait until after 365 days have passed to petition for a divorce and you must demonstrate that your partner’s behavior is unreasonable or that they committed adultery, which is hard to prove if your partner denies they had an affair.

We married abroad, but can we divorce in England?

You can still obtain a divorce in England even if you married abroadprovided either you or your spouse is habitually resident or domiciled in England or Wales. It does not matter that you married abroad, what matters is that you live as a resident of England for at least one year before you file for divorce.

What if I live in England and Wales and my spouse resides abroad. Can I still obtain a divorce?

Yes, you can still obtain a divorce from your spouse, even if your spouse now lives abroad provided you are either domiciled or habitually resident in England and Wales for one year before you file for divorce.

My spouse committed adultery but I forgave him. I now want to file for divorce. Can I still rely on my partner’s adultery?

You can cite your partner’s adultery as a fact to prove irretrievable breakdown of marriage as long as you became aware of it less than six months ago. If you became aware of the adultery more then six months ago, you are seen to have accepted it, and you can no longer use the fact to seek a divorce unless your partner commits adultery again after this.

Will the separation period start over if my partner and I reconcile, albeit briefly?

If you seek a divorce on the basis of either two or five years separation, you can reconcile for a period or periods totalling less than six months over the two or five year period. However, you must add on the reconciliation period to the end of the two or five year period and you go only start divorce proceedings at the end of that time. If, however, you reconcile for a period or periods totalling six months or more, the two or five year separation period resets – any period or periods of prior separation will essentially be wiped out.

My partner and I are separated but living in the same house, can I still file for divorce?

Yes, you can still file for divorce if you are separated but living in the same home. You must demonstrate that you are not living as husband and wife by showing that you have separate bedrooms, and you are not sharing any domestic tasks such as cooking, washing, and ironing, or going to social events as husband and wife.

What conduct qualifies as ‘unreasonable behaviour’?

There is no exhaustive list as to what qualifies as ‘unreasonable behaviour’. You must show that, objectively, nobody could expect you carry on living with your spouse together because of his or her conduct. A few examples of ‘unreasonable behaviour’ include:

• Continuous name calling.
• Lack of sex.
• Disinterest in you or the family.
• Disrespectful or undermining behaviour.
• Lack of financial support in maintaining the household.
• Violent or abusive behaviour.

I have received the Decree Nisi. Does this mean I am divorced?

No, a Decree Nisi does not mean that you are legally divorced. The court issues the Decree Nisi to stipulate that both parties must wait six weeks and one day before they can file for the Decree Absolute (divorce decree). The court uses this period of time to see if anyone objects to the divorce. If nobody objects, you are free to file for the Decree Absolute. It is only when you obtain the Decree Absolute that you are legally divorced.

What if my partner, the petitioner, does not apply for the Decree Absolute, can I apply?

Yes, as respondent, once the court has issued the Decree Nisi you can apply for the Decree Absolute if your partner fails to do so. However, you must wait four and a half months from the issuance of the Decree Nisi. (NB. The petitioner only has to wait six weeks and one day.)

How long does the divorce process take?

A typical divorce takes between three and six months. However, this depends on how quickly your partner responds to your petition. The divorce may also be delayed if and your partner disagrees about how to divide assets or disputes arrangements for the children. It is best to arrive at an agreement on these matters prior to applying for divorce, if possible.

When can I marry again?

You are free to marry again once the Court has issued the Decree Absolute. Prior to this you cannot remarry.

Getting help

A solicitor who specialises in matrimonial and family law matters can assist you in complying with court procedures and in negotiating settlements as to financial matters, children and other issues that may arise during divorce or dissolution.

Source: - http://www.findlaw.co.uk/law/family/divorce_and_dissolution/500176.html