Divorce: A List Of Pros And Cons

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In most cases divorce happens because a spouse is tired of dealing with problems in the marriage. Divorce is the number one way 50% of those married choose to handle their marital problems. But, is divorce a solution to marital problems or, just another way of introducing more problems into an already stressful situation?

There are pros and cons to divorce. When in the throes of a bad marriage I would venture to say that most think about the pros and don’t consider the cons until a divorce is filed and they are either in the middle of nasty divorce litigation or, divorced and living the, sometimes, negative consequences of their choice to divorce.

Based on personal and professional experience, below are the pros and cons of divorce. I hope you will consider both before jumping, feet first into the family court system.

Pros of Divorce:

 1. If you are living in a violent situation divorce and the family court is your out. If ever you should divorce, there is no better reason than domestic abuse.

2. She didn’t cheat once, she has given new meaning to the term “serial cheater.” In that case, bid her “au revoir.” You deserve better and will be better off!

3. He calls you names, controls when and where you are allowed to do anything. He is a bully, who needs that? Divorce him and find some peace of mind.

4. You two have different expectations of marriage. What he wants from the marriage is on the other end of the spectrum from what you want. Meeting in the middle isn’t going to happen and you will only end up resenting each other. Divorce will free you up to find someone who is more “like-minded.”

5. Not everyone views sex as an important part of the marriage contract. Those who are married to folks who don’t consider sex important can live in a special kind of hell. If sex is high on your list of marital priorities but is low on hers’, you have no moral obligation to remain married to someone who is withholding that intimate connection.

6. There are many pros to divorce. It can free you from an emotionally unsustainable situation and free you up to build a healthy, rewarding life either on your own or with a new person.

Cons of Divorce:

1. Divorce will have a negative impact on your children. You can lessen the impact on your children by making their needs for security your main priority during and after your divorce. But, make no mistake, divorce is as hard, if not harder on children as it is for parents.

2. Your finances will suffer during and after divorce. If you are a father you will pay child support and, in some cases, spousal support. If you are a woman, your income will drastically decrease leaving you to struggle to make ends meet.

According to marriage researchers Drs. Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, “Divorcing individuals would need more than a 30% increase in income, on average, to maintain the same standard of living they had prior to their divorce. About one in five women fall into poverty as a result of divorce. Three out of four divorced mothers don’t receive full payment of child support. Most men experience a loss in their standard of living in the years after a divorce, as well, a loss generally about 10%–40%, depending on circumstances.” It isn’t a pretty picture! 

3. It can take years to heal from the emotional pain caused by divorce. Regardless of the problems in the marriage you have developed an emotional and physiological attachment to your spouse and the family as a unit. You are detaching yourself from a way of life and it only makes sense that, whether you wanted the divorce or not, it will take time to work through very confusing emotions.

4. Divorce not only changes the relationship with your spouse, it changes relationships you have with friends and family. Are you close to your spouses’ family? Don’t expect that to continue. Expect friends and family to take sides, choose one spouse over the other and leave someone out in the dark. Its human nature and divorce always comes with the loss of close friendships and familial relationships.

There are two sides to divorce, the good side and the bad side. Please consider both before moving ahead with your plans to divorce due to marital problems that may have a better solution.

Source:- http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/fl/Divorce-A-List-Of-Pros-And-Cons.htm

Tell-Tale Signs That It's Time To Divorce

 In my last article, I wrote about things to consider before making the decision to divorce. This article deals with accepting and recognizing when it is time to "throw in the towel." Below are a few signs that you are dealing with a marriage that has gone past the point of saving...in my opinion.

Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin?

Shortly before my Aunt and Uncle divorced, I heard her say, "If he died tomorrow I'd have to peel an onion before I could shed a tear." Their marriage had gone on way too long. So long that she had developed feelings of animosity toward her husband. If you feel yourself moving in that direction, do yourself and him a favor and move on.

Are you tired of the trying, so tired you can't muster of the energy to even engage anymore?

Trying to solve marital problems can turn into a cycle of the wife trying to get her needs met and the husband stonewalling or dismissing her. A woman will normally try to re-engage her husband. Women are natural problem solvers who don't give up easily. She will eventually tire of trying to engage her husband in finding solutions to the marital problems. She will withdraw, stop expressing her needs; and once this happens, the marriage is headed for separation or divorce.

Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder?

Does the idea of sex with your husband cause you to feel trapped, like you want to cry, pack your bags and never come back? If so, it is time to act on your feelings.

Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment?

Feelings of resentment come from being hurt by your husband. They stem from allowing someone to hurt you. There is nothing wrong with feeling hurt by the actions of another. The kiss of death to a marriage comes when we harbor those hurt feelings and do nothing about them. When you don't voice your feelings in a proper manner or stand up for yourself, hurt turns to resentment. From resentment grows bitterness and hostility, feelings hard to work through and more than likely mean the end of a marriage.

The above list is a small sample of signs that your marriage is dead. Many women live for years in a marriage where some or all of the above signs are present. They stay for any number of reasons...guilt, religious beliefs, the children, fear of change. They stay for all the wrong reasons. In my opinion, when it is over, it is over. It is time to stop peeling onions and throw in the towel.

Source:- https://www.firstwivesworld.com/index.php/experts/item/3903-tell-tale-signs-that-its-time-to-divorce