Fear is just a Feeling

Yes, fear is just a feeling.  So how can it cause you actual bodily pain?  When I think about it, I think it must be impossible but it happened to me so I know it is true.  So how does fear affect the body for me?
Feeling sick 24/7.  The only time I don't feel sick is when any of the following are happening- eating, drinking, dancing, sleeping, listening to music.

I cried for 12 whole weeks when my husband left because I was in actual physical pain and IT WOULDN'T GO AWAY.  The pain was caused by fear.  Fear of losing him, fear of losing my home, my job, my mind, my happiness.  And yes, I did lose all of those things ultimately but what I didn't realise was that I was also going to gain a whole lot more.

To my way of thinking there is only one way to get rid of fear and that is to COMPLETELY CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK.  For example, I was born into a generation where I was taught to believe that you should enter one marriage and it should last for your whole life, that if you weren't a virgin you had less value, if you had been in a relationship with someone you were second hand goods, if your husband got a job away from where you lived you should up sticks and go and live there without question, and all this willingly and as though it were really simple and no effort for you.  Well what a load of crap!

NOW IS THE TIME TO MAKE YOUR OWN RULES, question everything, take nothing as given and make your mind up what you believe and what is valid FOR YOU.

So if you are feeling afraid ask yourself what exactly are you afraid of?  What is the worst thing that can happen?  What can you do that will change the current situation?  The worst thing is when you think that you are helpless to do anything, that you can't do anything to change the situation and that the decision is not yours to make.  This is rarely the case.  Sometimes you need courage to put yourself in the driving seat, sometimes you need more information to know how to proceed and sometimes you need help from someone else - DON'T HESITATE TO ASK FOR HELP -  If you don't ask, the answer is ALWAYS No!

BANISH YOUR FEAR - TAKE ACTION!

The key to marital bliss? Use your gut instinct

Study shows you can’t force a positive response by wishful thinking

Oscar Wilde once said that marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Now scientists have shown that the best advice for people contemplating matrimony is to put their gut instinct ahead of wishful thinking.

A study of 135 newly-wed couples who were followed over a four-year period found that what people say about their partner is not always what they think deep down - but it is this gut reaction that matters for future marital happiness.

The optimism shown by all the couples at the outset of their marriage generally declined over time but the level of growing dissatisfaction with their spouse was directly related to the inner-most feelings at the outset - which they actively suppressed, the scientists found.

Those who harboured the most negative gut reaction to their partners after six months of marriage were also the ones who felt the most dissatisfied and unhappy after four years of marriage, according to Professor James McNulty of Florida State University in Tallahassee, who led the study published in the journal Science.

"Everyone wants to be in a good marriage and in the beginning many people are able to convince themselves of that at a conscious level," Professor McNulty said.

"But these automatic, gut-level responses are less influenced by what people want to think. You can't make yourself have a positive response through a lot of wishful thinking," he said.

Measuring gut feelings was not straightforward and the researchers used an established psychological technique for determining someone's subconscious thoughts by measuring the time it took for them to react to photographs of a spouse.

The experiment involved flashing a photograph of someone's partner on a computer screen for just one third of a second, followed by a positive word such as "awesome" or "terrific" or a negative word such as "awful" or "terrible.

The subjects had to respond to whether the words were positive or negative by pressing a computer key and their reaction times were measured down to thousandths of a second. But it takes longer to respond to negative words if someone's gut feelings toward their spouse also tends to be negative, Professor McNulty said.

"It's generally an easy task, but flashing a picture of their spouse makes people faster or slower depending on their automatic attitude towards their spouse," he said.

"People who have really positive feelings about their partners are very quick to indicate that words like 'awesome' are positive and very slow to indicate that words like 'awful' are negative words," he added.

People with negative gut feelings towards their partner had a harder time overcoming the negative reaction they momentarily felt on seeing their spouse's photograph, which delayed their reaction time to the positive words.

Perhaps not surprisingly, this negative gut reaction had little connection to what the couples were saying about their partners. Whether they realised it or not they were supressing their gut feelings, Professor McNulty said.

Yet, it was clear that gut reactions were a better predictor of future happiness or dissatisfaction than conscious appraisals of partners at the outset of a marriage, the study found.

"The more positive spouses' automatic attitudes were at baseline, the less their marital satisfaction declined over time," the researchers concluded.

Professor McNulty said: "I think the findings suggest that people may want to attend a little bit to their gut. If they can sense that their gut is telling them that there is a problem, then they might benefit from exploring that, maybe even with a professional marriage counsellor."

This article is from The Independent, by Steve Connor.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/the-key-to-marital-bliss-use-your-gut-instinct-8970892.html

Have you been falling down lately?

How many times have you fallen down in the past year?  the past month?  the past week?  You may think that in the great scheme of things you will probably fall down several times during the course of your life.

If you have never fallen down or fallen only once you will probably think that it is not a normal occurrence.

Over a long period leading up to my husband's leaving I must have fallen down about 4 times.  After he left and I was an emotional mess I must have fallen down about 7 times.  In the end I just stopped getting up and people used to come up to me and try to help me up (nice people eh?).

So.....I have a theory about this.  As my spirits were gradually getting lower and lower in the run up to the breakdown of my marriage, so my physical state and co-ordination were worsening.  Obviously I didn't know it at the time but, as they say, hindsight is 20/20 vision - and so it is.

Before the falling down started to happen I had several episodes where I just burst out crying as I was walking down the street.  It was very strange as I wasn't worried about anything or afraid of anything and yet I couldn't stop myself crying as though there was something very wrong.

If you are experiencing anything of this nature, i.e. falling down or bursting out crying, it's time to get help.  Talking therapy can be very helpful.  You may find that by talking to someone you can work out what the real problem is, because believe me, there IS a problem.


Here is a short program which may help        Heal my broken heart         Click Here!

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