A Loving Divorce

What a lot of rubbish, there is no such thing.  Or is there?

I have found an amazing site for you to check out.  This is the loving divorce article by Candace Smyth.  It is called Have you Reset for 2013?

Can you believe we are still in the first month of 2013?  I have to say that I am truly grateful to have a few more weeks here.  January of every year is so important for the rest of the year.  It is also a big month of change.  Those who are unhappy in their marriage or relationship find the new year the exact right time to take affirmative action in their situation — whether to leave the marriage, decide to start couples counseling, begin to take time for themselves to figure things out.  January is a great time to make a move.  I feel hopeful because I am finding more and more people who want to end their marriages in a more loving, peaceful way.

We all have the capacity to make a loving divorce and co-parenting relationship work. We do. And, many times it is our life path to work on our part in the conflict with our spouse or former partner. It is the work the universe or god has blessed us with. And, with each step through this work, we find ourselves wise, more healed, and better able to deal with the next great lesson.

For more of this article go to      http://tinyurl.com/cyorm4y

Candace is a heart-centered divorce coach and family mediator based in Washington D.C.

Is there someone like this in your area?


There is so much helpful content on her website.  Check out the 
North Star Sessions Weekly Interview Series.  I mean it!  Don't miss these!

PREDICTING DIVORCE

PREDICTING DIVORCE – JOHN GOTTMAN


John Gottman has spent years studying marriages - both marriages that
have endured, and marriages that have eventually ended in divorce. He
studied marriages with the intent of uncovering the reasons why some
marriages work and why other marriages fail.
After studying marriages for 16 years, he has learned to predict which
couples will eventually divorce and which will remain married. He can make
this prediction based on the ways couples argue, after listening to the couple
for just five minutes, with 91% accuracy. He can make these predictions
with such a high degree of accuracy because he has discovered which
behaviors will lead to a breakup of the marriage. He has pinpointed five signs
that a couple will most likely suffer a future break-up.
The First Sign: A Harsh Startup
The first of these signs that will predict divorce is the way the discussion
begins, because 96% of the time the way a discussion begins can
predict the way it will end. When one partner begins the discussion using
a harsh startup, such as being negative, accusatory or using contempt, the
discussion is basically doomed to fail. On the other hand, when one partner
begins the discussion using a softened startup, the discussion will most likely
end on the same positive tone.
The Second Sign: The Four Horsemen
A harsh startup can lead the couple's discussion down a path of negative
interaction. This type of negativity can wreak havoc on a marriage. Indeed,
there are four types of negative interactions that are so lethal to a marriage
that Gottman has labeled them the Four Horsemen of Apocalypse.
"Usually these four horsemen clip-clop into the heart of a marriage in the
following order: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling"
(Gottman et al 27).
The first of the lethal horsemen is criticism. Gottman distinguishes between
criticism and complaints, because one partner will always have certain
complaints about his or her spouse. Complaining about one's spouse is
normal, however, the way one goes about expressing these complaints is
most important. The problem arises when complaints turn into
criticisms. A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, while a criticism
attacks the character of the person. An example of the difference between a
complaint and a criticism is the following:
Complaint: "You should have told me earlier that you're too tired to make
love. I'm disappointed, and I feel embarrassed."


more.....


http://tinyurl.com/a69brrp

This is from a site called isoulseek.

Top 10: Mistakes Men Make In Divorce

This article is relevant to both UK and USA, men and women.  Men can also loose out bigtime in a divorce. Here is some really sensible advice for you to ponder......

© iStockphoto.com

A split decision: respond to divorce in the right way
Finally Tiger is free. After announcing his divorce from Elen Nordegren this week, he'll be looking to protect himself from further negative publicity as he prepares to shell out a cool $100 million of his vast fortune to the woman he cheated on. But even for your everyday bloke, the money isn't the only issue, especially if you’re dealing with someone who is highly manipulative, abusive or just plain irrational. Even if you are divorcing a reasonable person, it’s tough to think clearly and make the right initial decisions. Most people are so angry, upset or anxious at the end of their marriage that they’re not thinking logically about what they should do to protect themselves or their children from an unfair settlement.

In the past, the prevailing emotions during a divorce were usually sadness and regret. Today, anger is the dominant emotion: People are angry at their spouses, their spouses’ parents, at their spouses’ new partners, etc. All this anger translates into words and deeds that make the divorce process more costly, stressful, frustrating, lengthy, and an all out war. It doesn't have to be that way, even if you are divorcing the most irrational of humans. Below are the 10 most common mistakes men make in divorce. If you can learn to place your emotions in check and avoid these mistakes, you can alleviate some of the pain that comes with any divorce.

More:-

http://tinyurl.com/a28p8ge

Here is a link to a product for men who want to get a good outcome from their divorce

http://tinyurl.com/akogbao

The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative (OMI)

If you haven't quite gotten to divorce pitch yet ......

this could be very helpful.  

a really awesome program with free retreats and workshops/education.  This could save your marriage.....is there anything like this in your city/state?

WELL DONE OKLAHOMA!!!

By Adam Knapp, About.com Guide

Brief Background:

The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative (OMI) has been providing free marriage education programs for couples, married or thinking about it, since 2002. The relationship-building, social service project was first developed by Governor Frank Keating in response to Oklahoma's alarmingly high divorce rate, out-of-wedlock births and child abuse-related deaths. After more than 200 state leaders attended a day-long brainstorming session entitled the "Governor and First Lady's Conference on Marriage," the groundwork was in place.

Keating assigned the task of overseeing the creation of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative to his Cabinet Secretary for Health and Human Services, Jerry Regier. In the end, a partnership between the public and private sectors was constructed, and the OMI went to work.

A full and detailed history of the project is available on the official OMI website.

The Goal:

Through a variety of workshops, research projects and programs, the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative aims to help couples in nearly every facet of a relationship. From improving communication to valuable skills in parenting, a broad range of options are available for any relationship stage. Whether you've just begun to contemplate a wedding or have been together for many years, the OMI's goal is to strengthen the institution of marriage in our state.

Workshops:

The OMI has chosen the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) for marriage workshops all around Oklahoma. Designed to teach practical skills such as communication, preserving fun and friendship, maintaining commitment, identifying relationship danger signs and avoiding common pitfalls, the workshops are frequent and free.

All workshops are delivered by OMI-trained professionals. You can find a workshop near you using the OMI's online search form.

This article is from Oklahoma City About.com

For more information go to

http://tinyurl.com/bjvmyfg

Filing for divorce

Very clear information on this site and lots of helpful financial insights.  Money is going to get tight so you need to manage it!

There are several fixed stages of divorce which vary slightly across the UK. Find information that’s relevant to where you’re thinking of getting divorced.

The divorce process in England and WalesHide

Getting divorced in England or Wales involves one person starting the process. They are called the ‘petitioner’. The husband or wife of the petitioner is called the ‘respondent’. In some divorces it will be one spouse’s decision, so they will start the process, but in others you may decide between you who the petitioner is and who the respondent is. It’s best to stay on civil terms with your husband or wife if you possibly can, because there’s a lot for you to sort out.

The stages of divorce

There are two stages to the divorce process:

1. a decree nisi, which means you’re moving towards divorce but nothing is finalised yet, and
2. the decree absolute which means that the marriage is entirely at an end. After this you’re both free to re-marry

Starting a divorce

To start a divorce, either you or your spouse needs to complete a document, known as a petition, and post or deliver it to your local county court, along with a court fee of £340.

Find your local court

Download a divorce petition form

Justifications for a divorce

The petition must rely on one of five possible facts to prove that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

• Adultery with another person of the opposite sex
• Unreasonable behaviour
• Two years' desertion (when your partner leaves without explanation and without your consent)
• Living apart for two years, if you both agree to the divorce
• Living apart for five years (in which case your spouse doesn’t have to agree to the divorce)

You can’t file an application for divorce until at least one year after you married.

For more information:-

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/filing-for-divorce