Top 10: Mistakes Men Make In Divorce

This article is relevant to both UK and USA, men and women.  Men can also loose out bigtime in a divorce. Here is some really sensible advice for you to ponder......

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A split decision: respond to divorce in the right way
Finally Tiger is free. After announcing his divorce from Elen Nordegren this week, he'll be looking to protect himself from further negative publicity as he prepares to shell out a cool $100 million of his vast fortune to the woman he cheated on. But even for your everyday bloke, the money isn't the only issue, especially if you’re dealing with someone who is highly manipulative, abusive or just plain irrational. Even if you are divorcing a reasonable person, it’s tough to think clearly and make the right initial decisions. Most people are so angry, upset or anxious at the end of their marriage that they’re not thinking logically about what they should do to protect themselves or their children from an unfair settlement.

In the past, the prevailing emotions during a divorce were usually sadness and regret. Today, anger is the dominant emotion: People are angry at their spouses, their spouses’ parents, at their spouses’ new partners, etc. All this anger translates into words and deeds that make the divorce process more costly, stressful, frustrating, lengthy, and an all out war. It doesn't have to be that way, even if you are divorcing the most irrational of humans. Below are the 10 most common mistakes men make in divorce. If you can learn to place your emotions in check and avoid these mistakes, you can alleviate some of the pain that comes with any divorce.

More:-

http://tinyurl.com/a28p8ge

Here is a link to a product for men who want to get a good outcome from their divorce

http://tinyurl.com/akogbao

The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative (OMI)

If you haven't quite gotten to divorce pitch yet ......

this could be very helpful.  

a really awesome program with free retreats and workshops/education.  This could save your marriage.....is there anything like this in your city/state?

WELL DONE OKLAHOMA!!!

By Adam Knapp, About.com Guide

Brief Background:

The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative (OMI) has been providing free marriage education programs for couples, married or thinking about it, since 2002. The relationship-building, social service project was first developed by Governor Frank Keating in response to Oklahoma's alarmingly high divorce rate, out-of-wedlock births and child abuse-related deaths. After more than 200 state leaders attended a day-long brainstorming session entitled the "Governor and First Lady's Conference on Marriage," the groundwork was in place.

Keating assigned the task of overseeing the creation of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative to his Cabinet Secretary for Health and Human Services, Jerry Regier. In the end, a partnership between the public and private sectors was constructed, and the OMI went to work.

A full and detailed history of the project is available on the official OMI website.

The Goal:

Through a variety of workshops, research projects and programs, the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative aims to help couples in nearly every facet of a relationship. From improving communication to valuable skills in parenting, a broad range of options are available for any relationship stage. Whether you've just begun to contemplate a wedding or have been together for many years, the OMI's goal is to strengthen the institution of marriage in our state.

Workshops:

The OMI has chosen the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) for marriage workshops all around Oklahoma. Designed to teach practical skills such as communication, preserving fun and friendship, maintaining commitment, identifying relationship danger signs and avoiding common pitfalls, the workshops are frequent and free.

All workshops are delivered by OMI-trained professionals. You can find a workshop near you using the OMI's online search form.

This article is from Oklahoma City About.com

For more information go to

http://tinyurl.com/bjvmyfg

Filing for divorce

Very clear information on this site and lots of helpful financial insights.  Money is going to get tight so you need to manage it!

There are several fixed stages of divorce which vary slightly across the UK. Find information that’s relevant to where you’re thinking of getting divorced.

The divorce process in England and WalesHide

Getting divorced in England or Wales involves one person starting the process. They are called the ‘petitioner’. The husband or wife of the petitioner is called the ‘respondent’. In some divorces it will be one spouse’s decision, so they will start the process, but in others you may decide between you who the petitioner is and who the respondent is. It’s best to stay on civil terms with your husband or wife if you possibly can, because there’s a lot for you to sort out.

The stages of divorce

There are two stages to the divorce process:

1. a decree nisi, which means you’re moving towards divorce but nothing is finalised yet, and
2. the decree absolute which means that the marriage is entirely at an end. After this you’re both free to re-marry

Starting a divorce

To start a divorce, either you or your spouse needs to complete a document, known as a petition, and post or deliver it to your local county court, along with a court fee of £340.

Find your local court

Download a divorce petition form

Justifications for a divorce

The petition must rely on one of five possible facts to prove that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

• Adultery with another person of the opposite sex
• Unreasonable behaviour
• Two years' desertion (when your partner leaves without explanation and without your consent)
• Living apart for two years, if you both agree to the divorce
• Living apart for five years (in which case your spouse doesn’t have to agree to the divorce)

You can’t file an application for divorce until at least one year after you married.

For more information:-

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/filing-for-divorce

Number 1 Divorce Predictor

During our 17 years of marriage we never argued.  NO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!  No, I assure you we never argued.  I think we disagreed about twice but there was never any animosity or shouting or slagging each other off......

This is a great article because it explains why that is such a bad idea.  And so it was, it is the reason we are now divorced.  Neither side telling it how it really is.

The number one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict.

What's sad is the reason couples avoid conflict is because they believe it (conflict) causes divorce.
It's like the cartoon where the couple explains to the marriage counselor,
"We never talk anymore. We figured out that's when we do all our fighting."

In the beginning, we avoid conflict because we are in love and we believe that
"staying in love" is about agreeing, about NOT fighting.

We're afraid that if we disagree – or fight – we'll run our marriage off into the ditch.
We believe that if we've found our soulmate, we'll agree about most things - and
certainly about the important things. 

Later, we avoid conflict because when we try to deal with our differences
things get so out of hand and our fights so destructive and upsetting
that we simply shut down. After a few bad blow-ups we
become determined to avoid conflict at any cost. And, we start wondering
if we married the wrong person.  It shouldn't be this hard. 

Successful couples are those who know how to discuss their differences
in ways that actually strengthen their relationship and improve intimacy.
Successful couples know how to contain their disagreements – how to keep them from
spilling over and contaminating the rest of their relationship.

To read more of this article:- http://www.smartmarriages.org/divorcepredictor.html

Get a divorce

You can get a divorce if you have been married at least a year

 and your relationship has irretrievably (permanently) broken down.

You must have a marriage that is legally recognised in the UK,

 and have a permanent home in England or Wales.

There are 3 main steps to getting divorced:

1. File a divorce petition - you have to apply to the court
    for permission to divorce, and show reasons why you want
    the marriage to end.
2. Apply for a decree nisi - if your spouse agrees to the
    petition, you’ll get a document saying there’s no reason
    you can’t divorce.
3. Apply for a decree absolute - this legally ends your
    marriage - you need to wait 6 weeks after you get the
    decree nisi before you can apply.

Arrange your own divorce

You may be able to arrange your own divorce without involving

 solicitors if you agree on:

• the reasons for a divorce
• how you’ll look after any children
• how you’ll split up money, property and possessions

If you agree on these things beforehand, you won’t have to go

 to a court hearing, and the divorce paperwork should be fairly

 straightforward.

Get free advice on getting a divorce fromCitizens Advice.

more information at :- https://www.gov.uk/divorce/overview

GET HELP BEFORE YOU DIVORCE

When my husband of 17 years left me, a very good friend gave me some advice.  She said "get the divorce underway and sorted as soon as you can - that way there will be a better outcome and less heartache for you."

                      I DIDN'T TAKE HER ADVICE!   

                      I WAS IN SHOCK!

                      I WAS OVERWHELMED!     

                      I WAS IN PAIN! 

But I should have.  She was right.

Here is some information and advice that you need to know immediately if you have split up with your partner.  It's time to LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. 

Go to http://c1e33dpdfmpp7n5ln8a96-lx8v.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=DIVBLOG
OR
Click Here!

BEFORE SEEING A SOLICITOR/LAWYER

Are you thinking about a divorce or legal separation? Do you want to get this difficult time behind you and establish a life plan going forward? Only YOU know what's in your best interests and the best interests of YOUR children! 

Using mediation means you can speak to your partner, find out what they want and tell them what you want with an independent mediator who will help the proceedings along without confrontation.

 Once you retain a solicitor/lawyer not only does the money start to go ker-ching ker-ching!!  (and not in your direction) but the matter becomes adversarial.  Your legal representative is there to do a job which may or may not give an outcome in your best interests.  So before you take on a solicitor/lawyer check out what mediation can do for you.

When I went to see my solicitor he advised me it was better not to talk to my husband.  In my case my husband wouldn't speak to me anyway but if I could have used mediation I would have.

 This is a company in the US offering mediation services.  Think about this idea - the outcome of mediation could be far better and cheaper than processing everything through the courts.  http://www.divorcemediation.us.com/

You can put your postcode in on this UK site (relate) and find the nearest mediator.  http://www.relate.org.uk/find-your-nearest-service/index.html