Everybody’s Marriage Stinks Sometimes, Including Mine

Last week we had a BIG fight. DH (darling husband) yelled at me in front of our son, right before school. That is a “no-go,” “I am out of here” event for me. Of course he didn’t think he had yelled, but I knew he had.

Thus began 4 hours of back and forth, who did what, when, how and where. Leading to two really, truly super pissed off people. We had been intensely busy all week previously, so we had scheduled a Gourmet Sex session that afternoon (we try to practice what I teach in my book), but NO WAY was that going to happen!

“Perfect” I thought, I had just written a book telling the whole world how amazing DH was, in bed and out; and how we had sex if we were fighting to make sure none of our quarreling was built up sexual tension. Of course, I knew we were never having sex again and I ruminated for several hours on how embarrassing this all would be with the new book release.

The big chill lasted for several days. Then, even with some thawing, we had kids around over the weekend and activities, and pretty soon we had gone over a week without sex (which is a long time for us). During these days we read, separately, Jed Diamond’s new book Stress Relief for Men, and then discussed it together (once we were speaking and not accusing each other of all the evil in the world).

Wow, I love this book! In truth we did kind of use it at first to make our individual points about what was wrong with the other person. When Jed explained how mid-life men can experience Irritable Male Syndrome with the four symptoms of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration and anger…I was like, Bingo—that is so YOU! But then, DH reminded me of another quote in the book “Her constant complaints were the main source of his frustration.” Looking in the mirror…damn…guilty as charged.

We finally got to the point that Jed discussed that midlife men and women are “like porcupines caught in the snow. They desperately want to get close together to ward off the freezing winds of winter, but as soon as they draw together, they injure each other with their sharp barbs.” We took a deep breath, remembered that as much anger as had built up between us over the past few months of too much work and not enough play we did still love each other.

When we finally made it to bed together, it wasn’t great make up sex, we were both too exhausted for that. But it was OK sex, which was way better than holding on to our anger and not having any sex!

As we finished reading Jed’s book, we realized that in spite of our best efforts to not work too much (which had helped lead to previous relationship failures), yet again we needed consciously to “Work less and live more.” Our time together on this journey is limited and we can’t risk squandering it by not prioritizing our intimacy on many levels. Hmmmm….I just read (no actually, just WROTE) a book with some tips on how to keep loving each other physically and emotionally, as one of the most important things we do with our time and energy.

So this is a shorter blog than usual, I need to go do something fun with my best friend. Thanks Jed for an amazing book! I will write more later about how Stress Relief for Men introduces holistic healing in a compelling, accessible way for “everyman.” But I am thinking DH needs his grumpy butt kicked in a ruthless round of Spite and Malice!

Source:- http://sexscienceandnature.com/special-sex/relationships-special-sex/marriage-stinks-sometimes/