I Hate My Marriage

I Hate My Marriage

I Can't Figure Out What To Do 

I love my husband, but I cannot stand our marriage. We had a super-passionate start, with tons of interests in common, and a scarily powerful attraction. But now, 6 six years later, I find myself silenced by his maddeningly circular arguments and justifications, with new reasons every week to explain why his perspective is right, and mine is argumentative. I am totally losing it, and just cried on the floor. Bah.

He is not a detail person -- he's a big picture person. But he loves to paint the big picture regardless of the facts. Me? I'm a fact person; details are what I notice. So nearly every conversation ends in an argument -- sometimes because I simply can't agree with him, and sometimes because I didn't do so vehemently or submissively enough. I am not a meek person, and this is incredibly hard to take.

What's more, I support us, and by us, I mean him, me, his child from a previous marriage, and our twins. I work multiple jobs from home while he finishes school. His work load and schedule are not easy, but he also doesn't pay a single bill. I'm sure that some level of his need to be dominant in conversation is a product of his guilt and a normal need to feel in control of *something*, but he talks (and talks and talks) about understanding people and how they think, but somehow can't see AT ALL why he does what he does in the moment, or what emotional support I might need. If I tell him, he feels defensive and angry -- or worse, if I tell him while I'm upset because of a lack of something, not matter how calmly or nicely I try to describe my feelings, I am "getting into an argument" by "trying to force [him] to see [my] point of view." !!! If, on the other hand, I say nothing, I'm accused of being uncommunicative and distant. %^#$%$%!@!!!

I put this under "I hate my marriage" because as angry as I get I don't hate my husband. In there, buried under this horrible mess of self-justification and defensive rage, is a smart, loving man who became my best friend years ago. But now, I "act like his mother" while he refuses to give even simple preferences when I try to approach any question as a partner and equal. His view of me is that I'm a totalitarian, judgmental, control freak -- but he will not make a decision, discuss disagreements calmly, or approach pretty much any situation with a modicum of self-discipline. Worst of all, for the kids, he is an example. And I fear, not just for his and my mental and emotional well-being, but for the example that they -- girls and boy -- see of how a marriage works and how an adult man behaves. What on earth am I supposed to do?

Source:- http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Hate-My-Marriage/1667595