Marriage Problem

Not sure how to start this message other than by saying my marriage stinks and I don't know how to fix it! And that I'm looking for a counselor who can help us. Anyone else have advice?

Relationships are complex and there are layers to our problems. But, what rises to the top at this point is a general lack of respect by my husband. He does not support my career choice (I was not an MD when we married). Does not respect medicine in general. Hates the way my work impacts our lives. Does not want his life/career to be inconvenienced by my call schedule, my work, our children. Pressured about financial issues but somehow expects me to pay back loans while working but not so much that I can't also run the household and be the primary caregiver for our children. Yes, he put up with my medical school training/residency. But, I put up with his bitching every step of the way. Sounds like a real prince, I know.

I think the hardest part for me it communicating day to day. He is very confrontational and gets his way by yelling. Gets frustrated, then yells at me and our kids. I'm not a yeller. I talk, empathize, negotiate. I'm up at 3 am writing this because I'm so upset I can't sleep. Yesterday was my son's birthday and my husband was grouchy. My son walked up to us and said "new rule, no yelling on my birthday." I don't want to keep on living like this. 

I'm bright, hardworking, a really nice person. And I am good at problem solving, finding my way through things. But I'm at a loss here. I've thought countless times about ending it but there is always that hope (for the kids and all of us) that things will be better when residency is over, after the kids reach a less demanding stage, when work settles down etc. 

I know the qoute that no one can treat you without respect without you letting them. But, how does a person command respect? And do I even want it at this point? How do I get him to quit yelling? I've asked him to stop and he temporarily does, then it returns to his now normal baseline. He is such a load and I'm sick of propping him up (ie supporting his need for exercise, spending time with friends, etc) just to get him through our lives. He acts so priveledged, as if I have to apologize for bringing children and a career into our marriage and therefore disrupting his otherwise calm and perfect life. 

What am I supposed to do with this?!

To read this and the suggestions offered, go to :- http://www.mommd.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/80401/marriage_problem